Fracture
by Zandra's Ashes
Summary: Post adrift A/U. McKay didn’t allow Keller to apprise anyone of the severity of Elizabeth’s injury until a day later, after he'd reactivated the nanites. That one night changed everything for John and Elizabeth. Final Chapter is posted.
1. Chapter 1

John struggled to emerge from the fog of sleep veiling his eyes. He felt as though some unseen force weighed upon his limbs. His frustration mounted as recent days flashed again through his mind. He fought harder to control of his limbs, to wake from relieving the nightmare over and over. Exhaustion wore away at his attempts to rise little by little and he fell back against the chair, unable to open his eyes, unable to fully awaken.

Glimpses of the weeks after he abandoned her began to pierce his memory. Elizabeth's voice screaming "Go!" rained like nails upon his mind. The arrival of the Apollo in the nick of time, the almost crash landing of Atlantis in its new home. The planets multiple moons caused his heart to seize because Elizabeth was not there to witness its beauty. McKay sharing intel Carter had instructed be kept from him.

John knew Carter had glimpsed beneath his attempt to project a professional façade of regret. Maybe she understood, he always assumed there was something between her and Jack. She knew what he would do. Probably before he had even decided to steal the jumper and sneak out of Atlantis alone on a mission to rescue Elizabeth, Carter had known. He'd bet she'd realized McKay would tell him anyway.

He suddenly became aware of pain radiating throughout his limbs. It had gone as bad as Carter would have guessed. The last thing he remembered was closing in on Elizabeth's signal when Obereth appeared. "You shouldn't have come Sheppard, we have no use for you." The pain intensified with the memory of a blast being fired toward him. He realized he should be dead.

"John? John? Open your eyes. John, it's over. We're safe…for the moment anyway." Elizabeth's voice softly cut through the fog.

His eyes finally opened to spot Elizabeth sitting in the pilot's seat of his jumper, her hand extended onto his arm as she read the diagnostic screen before her. The light was almost blinding from the sky beyond the window. He shut his eyes. He knew he was either dreaming or dead. Probably dead, he had ceased to have any pleasant dreams a long time ago. And Elizabeth didn't have the gene, she couldn't fly a jumper. The voices faded and blackness enveloped his welcoming eyes.

The next time his eyes fluttered, it had grown dark. But he found he was still in the co-pilots chair of the jumper. Alone. His limbs were painfully heavy, but now somewhat responsive. He tried to activate the controls to find out where he was, but they were dead, unresponsive. Much like he felt. He couldn't force his eyes to remain open, though he tried; it seemed he could feel each tiny molecule of gravity forcing them shut. His voice caught in his throat, suppressing his growl of frustration. He couldn't stop the darkness from carrying him away to his nightmares again.

"I found an abandoned village John, found fresh water. You must drink John, please wake up." The voice sounding closer with each word spoken. John's eyes obeyed his commands and opened. Elizabeth was standing next to him, canteen in hand. He pressed his eyes back together. Perhaps he had not died; Obereth was just creating some false world in his mind. He tested his limbs, stretched out each leg, and gingerly lifted each shoulder. Most of the pain had subsided; he hesitated only briefly before opening his eyes again.

Her green eyes were wide with concern. She made no move to stop him as he rose to his feet. He was weak, but better than the night before. He refused to maintain eye contact with her, she wasn't real, this couldn't be real. He turned to look out the window knowing the scene would be somehow familiar as Obereth pulled it from one of his memories. Green and woodsy, just as hundred of planets had been. Recognition gnawed at his core, but before he could figure it out Elizabeth spoke again.

"It's good to see you on your feet John." She said her eyes seeming to broadcast her relief. His eyes clamped shut as he forced himself to get a handle on his emotions. She's not real, this, is not real. Don't let them manipulate you Sheppard. He allowed his eyes to open and turned towards her. "Nice job flying Elizabeth. Great landing. Of course, I know Elizabeth Weir doesn't have the gene needed to fly this."

"I was surprised myself. Terrified might be more accurate. I hoped you would regain consciousness, but the consoles came to life for me when I got you on board. Maybe you activated it subconsciously?" She said thoughtfully.

"How convenient that would be. So tell me, why isn't it working now? "

"We took fire, heavy fire. We encountered the Wraith as soon as we left the Asuran vessel. I'm not entirely sure how we landed safely or why the Wraith did not pursue. It's almost like they could not, like the ship was on some strange autopilot."

"Uh huh, whatever. I'm going for a walk Obereth. This little fantasy land you are trying to create is weak at best, you're not fooling me. "John put his hand down reassured to find his handgun still latched to his side.

"John, Obereth is dead. I killed him when I saw, when I found...you were in the floor, life signs were almost gone. I didn't know I had the power to, but it wasn't long before another rose to take his place. John this is real." Elizabeth moved before him. "I am real John."

She had moved so close, he could smell the fragrance from her hair. He caught her hand reaching for him, and could feel her pulse pounding in her wrist. He shut his eyes and inhaled a deep breath of her before pulling out his sidearm and firing. His heart recoiled to see her crumple to the floor, holding her arm. Her wide eyes were dazed and glazed over with pain.

"John?" She gasped.

"The nanites will take care of you. If this is real, that is. Do you think I don't realize what you did? If this is real? I should be dead Elizabeth. The Elizabeth I know wouldn't have…tried to save me this way. I'm going to find a scanner and so help me god if I am infected, I will find a way to kill us both, ARM's or not."

"I didn't John, I promise. But I couldn't leave you. I wanted you to die in peace, not endure …" her voice faltered.

John tried to ignore the blood still gushing from her wound as he escaped into the back of the jumper looking for a scanner. When he found it, he threw it to the ground. It, like the rest of the ship was unresponsive. He left through the back hatch of the jumper, seeking reprieve from this false reality the Asurans were incarcerating his mind in.


	2. Chapter 2

His legs felt lighter with each step he took. He made his way through a large grassy meadow into the woods. It was there his chest began to constrict as recognition dawned upon him.

"Obereth!" He bellowed. "Obereth! Feel free to stop this bullshit whenever you like, I know you are pulling this from my memories. You just gonna ignore me? Well this is one trip down memory lane that I'm not particularly fond of- you can't keep me quiet here! "

The abandoned village of the cloister was before him. It seemed a lifetime ago he had been stuck here for so many months. A lifetime ago when he had watched Teer and the villagers ascend before his eyes. He felt the rumble of hunger hit his stomach. Well, if he were to be stuck in some Asuran false reality, at least he knew how to survive in this one. The orchard was near and he would bet it was still ample with its offerings for the people. Even in a false reality.

He spent three days in the village without contact by an Asurans. He hadn't thought anything could get much creepier than the constant meditating by the Cloister's former inhabitants. He was wrong. It was driving him crazy wondering what they could be doing to Elizabeth why they kept him trapped in this reality. He finally decided to go back to the jumper to see if he could do anything to get it back online. Or to see if he could find any other flaws confirming this was a false reality. He was beginning to see he would have to play by their rules if he wanted a chance to fight his way out.

He walked cautiously through the back of the jumper, not surprised to find Elizabeth or to feel the wave of emotions washing over him. He took a deep breath and steeled himself. She had her back toward him, engrossed in the inspection of crystals behind a panel she had pulled away. Blood had stained through the bandage she had carefully wrapped around the gunshot wound. Anger rose like acid inside his throat. He strode up to her. "Enough of the act, don't you think?" He said as he ripped away the bandages. He felt his eyes stretch as the wound was revealed. It was just a scrape, he'd just nicked her, but it was far from healed.

Elizabeth responded somewhat numbly. "I'm surprised myself. I had hoped to enjoy the only possible good from being infected with the nanites."

John started to speak, but his words caught in his throat as he watched the tear escape the corner of her eye. He sighed feeling anger fall away, sliding a hand through his already crumpled hair. Fantasy or reality, it was Elizabeth. He had little hope of pretending he didn't care. He started to speak again but her eyes rose to meet him suddenly.

"Don't do it John Sheppard, don't you dare drop your guard. If you think this is a mind game, that this isn't real, you have to be strong. You can hate me, I'm sure it would be easy. Even if I didn't somehow infect you when you'd been shot, you could have already been infected the night we…, "John felt heat flash across his face as she struggled to form her words." Before Keller forced Rodney to reveal the truth about the"experimental treatment". The nanites could have been just getting started on repairs when I pulled you away to the jumper. You have plenty of reasons to hate me. Use it." She had refocused and her green eyes now flared as she spoke.

John's head was starting to hurt. He needed to know the truth. "How did you get me to the jumper?"

"It wasn't exactly graceful. Nanites or not, it was half dragging, half carrying. Not pretty."

"Show me."

"I can't. I'm not exactly feeling myself. John, are we in the Cloister?" She paused and John simply nodded in confirmation. "I didn't spend enough time here, couldn't be certain. Maybe it really is the Cloister and the nanites are neutralized here. Or maybe the Asurans shut parts down to make us more manageable. I'm not healing, I've thrown up everything I've had to drink, and it took me almost an hour to pry this panel from the wall."

"You know if this really is the Cloister?" John said as he sank down against the wall.

"We'll be years older by the time we figure our way out of this." Elizabeth said as she chucked a burnt out crystal down the hallway in frustration.

"Now I know this isn't real, I've never seen Elizabeth Weir lose her composure." John said.

"Never?" Elizabeth asked, her eyebrow raised mischievously.

John felt a warm rush creep back into his checks. Ignoring her reference, he asked "So what do we do?"

"You're up, you spend enough time with McKay, maybe some of his constant babbling soaked through that messy head of yours."

"I happen to have better things to do with my time than stand in front of a mirror trying to make the impossible happen." Get a grip Sheppard; you are on the verge of flirting with a possibly imagined replicator. Of course, you are possibly a replicator yourself now.

"I never said I didn't like it. I kind of like how it always looks like you just got out of my bed." Elizabeth's voice had grown huskier and somehow she had maneuvered directly in front of him her hand coming up towards his hair.

Instinctively, his hand closed around her small wrist, wrenching her hand away. "Elizabeth didn't act like….you."

"Use your anger John. I'm using my own. Do you know how angry I am over the time we…I wasted? Time I felt the need to act a certain way even when the end of the world was nowhere in sight? I never let myself have fun, play. I know I can never be the leader of Atlantis again. If this isn't real, why shouldn't I get to act however I want? If that makes you angry, good. Use it."

He realized he had never let go of her arm, his senses were overloading from her smell drifting across his face. Could replicators even understand smell to reproduce that? She turned away, her growing tendrils of hairs flaring back to tickle his face. His heart was pounding erratically, wanting to believe this was real, that he had her back. It couldn't be this easy. He couldn't do this.

"Look at the panel John; I'm going to get some water." Elizabeth said, pulling away from him suddenly looking almost green and uncomfortable.

Some things never change he thought as his feet instinctively responded to her command. An hour later he hadn't gotten so much as a spark from the panel and Elizabeth had still not returned. He wandered out the back of the jumper to be greeted by the softly falling sunset. He caught movement from behind some nearby trees. He pulled his gun and angled up to get a better view. Elizabeth was doubled over, apparently heaving the contents of her stomach. He caught of glimpse of her tear stained face and her arm, adorned with a fresh bandage.

Damn it! He thought, realizing his feet were already heading in her direction. Elizabeth spotted him and leaned back against a tree. She averted her head as she tried to wipe away the tears and clean her face as best as she could. He stopped before her and simply waited, unwilling to trust his voice.

"You were right John, this isn't real. This can't be real. I think we may be sharing a false reality, it was probably the easiest way to deal with us while they adjusted to Obereth's death." She pushed away from the tree with her heel and turned to place her back before him.

"They are so cruel." He barely heard her words, he wasn't sure they were even meant for his ears. "I'm pregnant John. They've supplied me with all the symptoms, notably fatigue and nausea. Since we've arrived, I've barely been able to keep down even water." She turned around to catch his mouth frozen where it had fallen, wide open.

"But you said..." He frantically tried to recall the ten second contraception conversation they'd had, but that night seemed so long ago. His mind was fuzzy from the stress of trying to figure out what was real what wasn't. It was too much; his head was beginning to throb.

"I can't have children John. I had ovarian cancer, they had to be removed. God, my hair was finally starting to get back to a decent length since the chemo, not that it really matters. The Asurans either missed that and screwed up or are crueler than I realized. "

"Maybe they just want you to have the flu?" John offered, embarrassed by his relief. Embarrassed at the continued avoidance of the conversation they never had the chance to have about the night they shared.

"It's not the flu. I'm throwing up, my bra hates me, and emotionally I'm all over the board. I know what they've done. They try to keep you happy, passive here right? This is the one thing I always wanted and could never have. John this can't go on, I can't let them make me feel, make me experience this and let them tear me away from it on their whim. We have to get out. What if they keep us in here until I have a child? Longer?" She couldn't stop the tears from slipping from her eyes again. He could see her shoulders trembling as she turned away to hide her tears.

His heart twisted with the agony she was enduring. He couldn't hold on to anger around her, couldn't trust himself with her. His stomach churned and he wondered if Elizabeth really did just have the flu. He could have picked up a bug from her. He groaned as the irony hit him. Seeing her was more than he could handle now. I can't do this, he repeated to himself before quietly slipping away.

I have most of the story finished and will continue to post as fast as I can, so subscribe and get notices when they post-I hope you enjoy!


	3. Chapter 3

John settled in a dusty cabin sitting on the edge of the abandoned town. Walking away from Elizabeth, again, had taken the last of the strength he had remaining. He felt himself shutting down emotionally, locking away what was left of his heart. Before he'd left Earth, he'd had years of practice with emotional avoidance. It seemed strangely easy to take refuge in denial now.

He took to waking before daylight and staying immersed in the thickets around the village throughout the day. Any glimpse he caught of Elizabeth sent him immediately in the opposite direction. He knew she saw him, though she never followed. She was pretending to make sure he was still alive he supposed. He was finding it hard to even care about that himself. He had yet to find any additional flaws in the false reality and it was making him even more uneasy.

Days began to slip by. He began leaving cooked meat from game he'd killed along with some fruit from the orchard outside the jumper every night. Just in case, he knew the meager rations he'd left aboard the jumper would not last long. He could hardly stand the guilt as it was, in the slim possibility this turned out to be real, he had no desire to add more to his burden.

John could hear her movements still inside when he approached. She knew he was there, but never attempted to confront him. He always lingered a minute too long, aching to see her. She was strong when he was not. His resolve weakened every day. The reserve of the Asurans was beginning to wear upon him, he would rather they kill him than be subjected to this subtle torture.

The days stretched tortuously into weeks. One day, the food remained at the jumper door as he had left it the night before. After several days of it going untouched, John growled in frustration as he could no longer control his worry. He boarded the jumper, but Elizabeth was nowhere to be found. The next day, at first light he began to search the village and surrounding area. There was no trace of her.

She had been an illusion, John decided as his heart plummeted. They had finally removed Elizabeth. They finally realized they could not get to him that way. John expected to feel relief to finally know the truth. But a deep emptiness settled over his heart. He couldn't go back to the jumper, the Asurans would expect that. He returned with leaden feet to his shelter in the village. He began going out only for water as hunger faded away with the time.

"John, John! You must wake up. Hedda, is he ill?" Voices began to resonate louder each moment he concentrated to open his eyes.

"I must admit I am disappointed John Sheppard. You who taught us how to stand up for ourselves. You have given up."

John forced himself upward from where he'd been lying on the floor. He moved to a seated position, propping his back against the wall. "Nice one Obereth, bring an ascended being or two into fantasyland. Hello Teer, Hedda. How's life amongst the gods? Hope it's all you hoped for."

"I hope it's all you would have hoped for John." Teer replied.

"I see the Ancients have already brought you up to speed on talking in riddles. " John raised an eyebrow and pushed one finger forward, not entirely surprised when his hand passed through the holographic image.

"Best I could do John, we've been quite busy, in fact I am quite disappointed we had to leave to intervene now, things have reached a critical level. " Teer said, her voice scolding as if he were a misbehaving schoolboy.

"Sorry, can't imagine what fun things you've found to take the place of meditating all day long. I know, someone has taught you power yoga." John smiled to think of the sad pleasure these little jabs brought to him. They may be ascended and more than likely in his head, but Teer and Hedda were the only beings he'd spoken to in weeks.

"I have little time to convince you now John, so I am going to ask you to do one thing for me. Soon, we will return and tell you everything. Whether you trust me or not, it will do no harm to comply. Or you alone will have to live with your guilt." Teer moved closer.

"What exactly do you want me to do here, this sounds kind of serious. I'd think you want a kidney or something, but you shouldn't really need one of those anymore."

"A friend of yours has shared some of her secrets. Chaya? I'm sure you remember her. We had a very nice chat." Teer looked smugly down upon him.

"Now wait a minute-" John sat up a bit more straight, but Teer was determined.

"There are many like us John. We do not see other Ancients standing up for what they believe in; they sit idly on the sidelines and allow terrible crimes to be committed. Chaya has been watching you John, she saw Elizabeth at the helm of your jumper, under attack from the Wraith. With our help, she brought you here. Hedda, healed your injuries, you were never infected with the nanites. She removed the nanites from Elizabeth, and from your child. I know Elizabeth believes the nanites were not responsible, that they did not heal her ability to bear children. She was wrong. Go to her now, she is giving up. Your child will not survive if she continues to deny her body nourishment." Teer said.

John stood up slowly, he felt his jaw lock in an open position, unable to formulate even the first question in response to all the information Teer had just relayed. Could he believe her? Believe this?

"Elizabeth can't fly the jumper. She doesn't have the gene." He finally found a flaw in her explanation.

"But your child does." Hedda said speaking for the first time.

John's head fell downward, his hands threading through his hair.

"I will return when it is over, I will bring your friends from Atlantis to you, you need not worry about repairing the jumper. " Teer said.

"Mighty convenient that your story ends with not bothering to fix the jumper…..and I don't know where Elizabeth is. I did look." He called to the figures already dissolving before him.

"The caverns John, translating the writings there. And fix the jumper if it makes you feel better. But you must watch over her. You child is important John." Teer said just before he was no longer able to see them anymore.

John walked out onto the porch of the cabin and began to kick aimlessly at a post. I don't want to go to the caverns. Kick. I don't want to see Elizabeth. Kick. This can't be real. Kick. And I can't prove it isn't. With the last kick the posting fell with a thud. John put his hands on his hips and looked towards the sky.

Teer was right. He couldn't prove it wasn't real. He couldn't prove it was real either. He longed to be back on Atlantis sipping from a cold beer, make it movie night with plenty of cold beer surrounded by his team. And Elizabeth. Always Elizabeth. He forced his footsteps towards the well to fill his canteen and then on to the orchard to grab some fruit. He could always hunt tomorrow if he found her. He hadn't eaten in days, he realized, but finally understood Elizabeth's almost constant aversion to food. The thought of it still made his stomach churn.

He loaded his pack and headed out. He cast his eyes towards the sky and realized it would be dark soon after he reached the cavern. As an afterthought, he gathered some wood so he would be prepared to spend the night there. When he could reasonably delay no longer, he began to walk. Teer's words echoed through his mind with every step. And with every step, he felt the tiny flicker of hope he hadn't known remained inside him flame back to life. His steps slowed as he neared the caverns. His skin began to crawl as he remembered the days he spent there, thinking that his team had abandoned him. Had he abandoned her? Their child? Was it possible?

John mentally braced himself before ducking his head to enter the cavern. He pulled up his P90 and turned on the spotlight as he ventured inside. The air inside the cavern was damp and chilly, causing bumps to quickly rise upon his arm. The dark twisting path drew him deeper and deeper inside until finally he was almost to the spot where he had first been trapped inside the Cloister. If Elizabeth was here, she had to be close. He rounded the last curve and froze. Elizabeth lay before him on the cold damp floor. She didn't even have a fire going. She lay on her side facing him. Her eyes opened, fluttering in the light.

"Elizabeth? What are you doing in here?" John asked, stunned to see her so weak.

"Just kill me. I will never tell you anything about Atlantis. You are wasting your time." She whispered, her voice barely carrying over the sound of his heart pounding in his ears.

He slowly lowered the P90 and pulled the wood he'd brought from his pack. He quickly built a fire and turned back to Elizabeth. He touched his fingertips to her wrists gingerly at first, then pressing harder as he searched for her pulse.

"Please don't touch me; you look just like him, sound just like him. Obereth knew I wanted John Sheppard more even then I wanted a child. I suppose I should be happy, this is better than watching him die over and over and over." She shut her eyes, forcing out the welling tears. She pulled her knees into her chest as her body began to shake. "Whoever you are, just go away."

John felt time grind to a stop in that moment. He'd never thought, never wondered what they had done to her. His biggest concern had been whether or not she was alive. To learn now the Asurans had used him to torture her, making her experience his death countless times was enough to bring his blood to a boil. He forced himself to take long deep breaths. "Calm down Sheppard, nothing you can do to them now. She needs, she deserves, your full attention." He scolded himself.

Elizabeth continued to talk in her semiconscious state. He could only make out every third word or so, she wasn't making any sense. He grabbed the water canteen and brushed his thumb against her lip as he raised it to her mouth. "Drink, you are dehydrated. Elizabeth, we've been here for weeks and no one has tried to kill me, not even you." John winced to hear his attempt at humor. Not the time. " I am real, _this_ is real."

Her eyes fluttered as he spoke. He pulled her up into a seated position before him. Looking at him still somewhat fearfully, she accepted the water. He watched the tears subside but her body continued to tremble. When he lowered the canteen, he wasn't sure what he should say, what to do. He didn't want to upset her, but he was slowly giving in to his desire to just grab her to hold her.

He moved to sit behind her and gently pulled her back against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her as his head tucked into her neck, drawing in a deep breath of her. She didn't resist and soon he felt her body relaxing into his. His hands laced and came to rest upon her stomach. He felt a new hardness, a new swelling where her stomach had been soft and flat before. A mix of surprise, fear and elation bubbled through his chest as he flattened his palms against the mound.

"I know this wasn't what you signed up for." Elizabeth was muttering softly. "I don't expect anything John; but I do love you. You deserve to know that."

"Lizabeth?" It was all John could manage. Her breath grew deeper and he knew she had slipped back into slumber. He sat there for almost an hour in a daze as she slept. His hands continued to rub against her stomach as his head and heart battled for control. It was too much, so fast. Just hours ago he had lay indifferent, convinced he was living imprisoned in a false reality.

They had been here three months now, give or take a few days. He'd found no additional flaws, and there was no reason for the Asurans to abandon him here for that length of time. He had to acknowledge that in all probability this was real. _This_ was real, he thought as his fingers continued to explore her barely rounded stomach. And she loved him. Elizabeth murmured and he pulled her closer, drawing in as much of her scent as he could inhale. How could he have left her alone? He felt his muscles tensing as the guilt crept upon him again.

"Don't." Elizabeth quietly whispered. "No more quilt John."

He looked down at the top of her head and wondered in amazement that they denied it for so long. From the first moment they met, she trusted him, believed in him. He thought of all the moments on the balcony, all the times he'd reached out for her companionship. How many conversations they'd had without saying a word. How long they denied their emotions.

He kissed her head and slowly edged out from under Elizabeth, laying her head down on his folded jacket. He checked the fire and returned to her side to leave a canteen and fruit. As he moved to stand, she suddenly reached out and grasped his hand. "Love you."

He stood feeling dizzy and guilty for leaving her even knowing he had to gather some more food and water. She needed to regain some strength to make the trek back into the village, he couldn't carry her that far. He knelt down and pressed his lips to her forehead, wishing he could tell her how he felt. But if there was one thing he now felt certain about, it was that they were in the Cloister, and time was something he would have plenty of to force the right words out. He took in a long look at her, her body somehow more relaxed now even as she rested upon the cold hard floor. The feeling of protectiveness he'd always felt for her returned with a fierceness that almost took his breath away. Tomorrow, if he decided she was well enough to attempt the walk, they would move into his cabin in the village.

He left her with regret and moving as fast as he could in the dark. He worked throughout the night starting with preparing the cabin for her arrival. It seemed with every task he completed, something else would come to mind to make her more comfortable. He finally went to gather fruit from the orchard and to hunt in the early morning light. As he returned to the cabin with his arms laden, he suddenly paused and grabbed a handful of wildflowers.

In the cabin, he hastily built a fire before cleaning his kill to put on the makeshift spit atop the hearth. As he waited for the meat to cook, he retrieved the flowers and plunked them in a valise. He took a final look around the cabin and shrugged. It wasn't Atlantis. Even if it was a palace, it would always be second best.

-This story is not over, bear with me and subscribe if you'd like notices for new chapters. I'm posting as fast as I can complete my feeble attempts at editing. Hope you enjoy!


	4. Chapter 4

He winded his way through the dark cavern, wishing suddenly he'd taken the time to clean himself up when he was working on the cabin. But he had wasted too much time on things that didn't really matter already, he should have just grabbed the supplies and ran back. He finally returned to find her awake and sitting against the wall. Her eyes widened as she saw his light approach. He quickly crouched by her side. "How are you feeling? We need to get moving if you're up for it, get you somewhere more comfortable." John said.

"John Sheppard, look at you. You try so hard to be the rebel, cool and aloof. You always were a boy scout at heart." Elizabeth smiled warmly as her hand rose to touch his cheek.

He felt the flush of pleasure in his cheeks at her words, but it was short lived. She was still weak and disoriented. She was unsteady as she allowed him to pull her to her feet.

"My mom will be so excited to be a grandmother, so excited to meet you John. Surprised too, you are so different, so different than anyone else. Especially Simon. We should go visit her soon John, can we do that?" Elizabeth asked John, her eyes wide and hopeful.

"That would be nice Elizabeth, that would be nice." John said with a heavy heart. Even if what Teer told him was true, he doubted he or Elizabeth would ever be granted clearance to return to Earth. John realized that if being with Elizabeth meant never going back, he didn't really mind. Atlantis had always felt more like home. Until they had lost her.

He put an arm around her, his hand reaching out to stroke her stomach before returning to support her side as she walked. The walk back to the cabin took half the day. He stopped every few minutes to let her rest and try to force some food into her. Little by little, she was making more sense. But she was different, softer somehow than he had ever seen her before. Vulnerable, he realized. She was allowing him to see her vulnerable. His hands tightened his hold on her so much she gasped from the pressure.

"Sorry." He said forcing his hands to relent. Everything he had suppressed, ignored and denied for so long was overwhelming him now. He looked to the skies above "Chaya, Teer, you better not be screwing with me!" He thought. He hardly survived losing Elizabeth the first time, if he lost her now, after allowing himself to feel more…

Elizabeth turned her tired eyes upon him as they approached the cabin. "Is this where you stayed?"

"No." John said firmly, knowing how perceptive Elizabeth was. She had probably sensed the closeness he had shared with Teer. He would not have taken her there.

She nodded her approval slowly and started to speak but no words escaped her mouth.

"What is it? Are you okay?" John asked quickly though feeling a bit idiotic. How could she be okay?

"Why did you come back for me? What changed your mind?" She asked with her head tilted and eyebrow arched.

He closed his eyes with that image of her and for a moment imagined they were on the balcony of Atlantis. How many of those looks had he wasted? "We can talk more later, you need to rest. After you eat. "

After guiding her towards the wooden rocking chair by the bed, he placed a heaping bowl of fruit and nuts beside her. Walking quickly, he left her to retrieve the blankets he'd set to dry on the porch after washing them that morning. The beds mattress had fresh grasses and while it was far from luxurious, it was better than the cave floor. And clean. Hastily returning to her side, he draped a few of the blankets on the mattress in a final attempt to make it more comfortable.

Elizabeth's breathing had become slow and deep. Realizing she'd already fallen asleep, he scooped her up from the chair and moved her to the bed. She should have felt heavier; he cringed to feel her ribs pressing sharply against his hand. He tugged off her boots before gently covering her up and easing into the chair beside her. Watching her sleep was a luxury he'd never enjoyed before. With every fall of her chest, his breath caught until he saw it rise again. She looked so fragile. He would never forgive himself for not being able to protect her, for leaving her on her own since they'd arrived here. He reluctantly stood to finish the work he began that morning when a different kind of unease washed over him.

Looking around the cabin, he wondered if he had been too presumptuous. She had been dehydrated the night before, when she'd said…. Maybe she didn't want to be with him; maybe that night had happened for all the wrong reasons. Though she had left a hastily scrawled note, she had left his quarters before he had awoken the morning after. He had failed her so many times since then. How could he dare to ask her forgiveness? His stomach was churning. Get a grip Sheppard, the important thing was that she was alive. If she didn't want him, or refused to give in to her want, she sure couldn't stop him from at least trying to protect her. And their child. He would just have to rough it on the floor. Even in the Cloister, there was no way in hell he was letting her out of his sight for that long.

John realized there was one thing he could do for her. He gathered the rest of the laundry from the porch and the clothesline he'd rigged next to the cabin. Back inside the cabin, he hung a sheet between the wall beside the storage closet and the outside of the door to the closet. When the door was opened, the sheet would become an area where she could change and wash up in private. Satisfied he would now probably even make his mother proud, John then stacked the dried towels by the wash basin and placed a change of clothes for Elizabeth on the rocking chair.

John rubbed his dry and irritated eyes. He refused to admit he was getting too old to be pulling all nighters, but looking down at his clothes, he knew he wasn't young enough to get away with the rumpled and probably smelly appearance he was boasting. Taking a towel and change of clothes, he quietly eased outside where he he'd left a pitcher and basin "borrowed" from the next cabin over. Though the porch was covered and the Cloister deserted, he found himself hastily washing up and redressing in the fresh clothing.

The clothing fit, but he couldn't seem to stop from tugging on the sleeves and neck of the shirt. It wasn't the fabric or the cut, but the reminder of the months he'd spent here before. Though he was beginning to indulge in hope that Teer would do as she'd said, he still had an irresistible urge to wash his uniform so he could wear it as soon as it dried. He tiptoed back inside and saw Elizabeth still sleeping peacefully. Gathering his filthy uniform, he sprinted out of the cabin towards the creek, angry again at himself for being selfish to leave her over something so petty. Using the anger, he scrubbed at a furious pace and soon was back at the cabin. As he laid the clothes out to dry, he felt the scowl crossing his face. The sun was already lowering, despite his haste; he would still have to wait overnight for them to dry.

When he entered the cabin, Elizabeth was emerging from behind the hanging sheet, smiling sweetly as she looked around the large one room cabin. John's commands for his jaw to close were ignored, he stood speechless. She looked beautiful, her damp hair hanging in tangled curls around her face. The long sundress was too large for her frame, but the flowing fabric looked soft and comfortable. Her eyes were widening and it was clear she had gotten carried away at the thought of washing up and clean clothes, she hadn't noticed much else after she'd awoke.

John's handiwork was obvious. This morning was the first morning he'd ever really looked around the cabin. He'd discovered its inhabitants had stored their possessions neatly and with precision. Ready for the next residents of the Cloister. He wasn't familiar with the fabric they had used to wrap them with, but both the fabric and household goods were in good shape. Especially considering how much time must have passed here. In the cabin's one storage closet, he'd found linens, lanterns, soaps and various tools.

The cabin was small, but somehow felt spacious. There was a sitting area with a simple but beautiful stone fireplace, a fresh stack of wood he'd placed beside it. Two large wooden chairs sat before the fireplace. John had raided the neighboring cabin for extra blankets. They hadn't been washed yet, but he had shaken them out well and draped them over the chairs to make them more comfy. A bureau set close to the bed. It held a large pitcher and basin on its top, and held clothing in the drawers below.

In the cabinets under the counter in the kitchen he'd found stoneware and cutlery. These were now clean and ready atop the counter. The wooden table had been adorned with a simple white tablecloth and the flowers John had gathered. Elizabeth moved towards the table, reaching out to stroke her fingers over the petals. Her hand dropped back to her side and she suddenly froze in place. John moved to her side and saw her eyes were brimming with tears.

John brought his hand to her face to wipe away the tears now streaming freely. She turned her head into his hand, pressing her eyes shut. "I know it's not what you're used to-"He started when she turned and grasped the back of his head pulling him firmly against her lips.

His free hand moved behind her, grasping the small of her back and pulling her closer as her mouth opened, deepening their kiss. Her other hand reached up to grasp his, now snaking from her face into her hair still pulling her closer, so close he could hardly breathe. He was probably crushing her, but she didn't complain. She began walking forward, forcing his footsteps backwards until he felt the edge of the bed strike the back of his knees. They tumbled onto the bed and as she landed atop him, he began to push her hair back and away from her face. He needed to see her eyes.

"Lizabeth-"John began before Elizabeth silenced him with another kiss. He tried again but her mouth was insistent and her hands were tugging at his clothes. Her scent washed over him like salve to his tortured soul and he felt every emotion he'd denied himself snap back to life, overwhelming his senses overwhelming his mind. She began unbuttoning his shirt, dragging a trail of kisses behind her hands that burned like lava. As she reached his belt, he forced himself up dragging her with him.

He grasped the back of her head tugging her gently back to his face, kissing her slowly now, deeply. He gently turned them so she lay beneath him. "I love-"he started again when she pulled his face down hard against her lips. He longed to tell her now, so tired of having to pretend for so long. But her touch finally overwhelmed his darkened hart and he let go, and lost himself to her.

Darkness had fallen when John's eyes flickered open. He gingerly extracted his arm from under Elizabeth's head and maneuvered out from under her leg thrown across his. He stumbled until he felt the lantern on the kitchen counter. After lighting it, he started to go back to bed, but paused thinking of the fireplace. It wasn't especially cold, but he had an irresistible urge to light it. He moved to sit before the fireplace and began to build the fire. As the embers began to flare to life, he heard Elizabeth rustling behind him.

"I'm not sure when it even happened." She was speaking softly. "I think the whole crew knew how I felt before I did. It was only your team, only you. Did you ever realize how I worried when you were off world? Scared you'd find another situation where you were ready to sacrifice yourself to save another. Did you ever think how I would feel? The nightmares I have every night if I dare to sleep?"

He heard the bed creak as she rose. He turned to see her pull a sheet around her as she began to walk towards him.

"You always stood too close, always worried too much. You always came to see me knowing when I would be alone on the balcony. Then you always left without making a move. It was like you knew I cared, like you were trying to feel the same, but you just couldn't." Elizabeth whispered as she sat before him, the sheet still wrapped firmly around her. "John, you don't have to pretend you love me because I'm pregnant. You don't have to try just because I love you."

John's heart twisted to hear her words. All the time he had been trying so hard to get a handle on his feelings, she had thought…If he hadn't been such a coward, hadn't been so damaged, he wouldn't have put her through that. He reached out and grabbed her, pulling her in front of him with her back to his chest. It was easier not to look at her while he said the things he needed to say.

"It took me a long time to figure out why I went after Chaya the way I did. But she knew then, before I had any idea. I keep a pretty tight lock on anything emotional since my marriage went down the toilet, probably long before that. It was actually probably the most civil divorce in the world. And that seemed wrong to me. You know me; you can't keep me away from a fight. But I let her walk away, I wasn't sad, wasn't mad. Wasn't even numb, just indifferent. How do you get there Elizabeth? "John began to thread his fingers through Elizabeth's hair as she sat quiet, nestled against him. "I realized one day I didn't have to tell you what I was thinking, what I was feeling. We could just look at each other and we knew. I never thought we could have more…if you even felt the same."

"I haven't found any flaws here John, not a single ripple in an image. Have you?" Elizabeth asked.

"No. Lizabeth, I'm sorry. What harm would it really have done me to stay with you these past weeks, just add it to the list of things will never forgive myself-"

"John, ever since Niam, it seems the Asurans pursued us only believing I could somehow help them ascend, become more powerful. This is my fault. You have suffered because of me. I actually found it easier for you to stay away, so I didn't have to look you in the eye knowing what I've brought upon you."

"And Niam attacked you under my watch because I wouldn't trust McKay to fly the jumper. I should have never left your side with an Asuran aboard. My failure caused this, has caused you so much pain. No matter what, I'll help you, I won't abandon our child. And if you let me, I'll love you."

She shifted to the side and reached her hand up to stroke the side of his face. "John, all I'll ever ask is that you be honest with me, starting with if you truly believe this is real?"

"Neither of us have found flaws here. The first time you were infected, the nanites were never given a chance to bond. They did the last time, probably at an accelerated rate. It's not a stretch to imagine they would rebuild something missing based on your DNA. This is real." John said, stroking her stomach. "Elizabeth, when I lost you…."

As he trailed off she pulled him down closer to her. "I will always be with you John. No matter what."

Her eyes seemed to glisten more radiantly then he could ever remember. Like salve to his wounds, their warmth continued to seep into darkest corners of his heart. The sheet fell away as they fell back against the floor. The heat from the crackling fire caressed their bodies as they lay before it, clinging to each other like each like each was the air the other needed to breathe. Fighting to keep their eyes open still afraid they would wake and find it had been a dream.

With her acceptance, with her absolution, with her commitment, John felt the damn he'd built so long ago around his heart burst. A flood of emotion he hadn't believed possible crashed over him, overwhelming him, and almost pulling him under. He took a deep breath of her hair, and the happiness he'd expected to feel was instead overwhelmed by a crushing sense of loss. Maybe, if they would have found the courage to try before, they could've enjoyed the future they had earned.

He realized that even if Teer was right and he had never been infected, Elizabeth and their child would never be completely accepted, trusted. And he would never leave them or allow them to live in an environment like that. If the IOA even considered allowing them to live in Atlantis that was, he knew they could never return to Earth.

"I had thought of the Athosians." Elizabeth breathed into his neck, as always instinctively knowing what he was thinking.

"And you would be happy? Happy to be a farmer's wife?" He could feel her eyebrows rise at his slip. But he wanted it all with her, he realized he would never be happy with in between. They could work that all out later. "There are others you know, rogue groups, the few that are left from worlds left destroyed. We can find a place where we can stay in the fight."

"Why do we feel this responsibility John? How is it possible that somehow we became responsible for the survival of the entire universe? I don't remember getting that promotion."

"We can't change who we are, we wouldn't still be here in Pegasus if we didn't feel the same."

"And tomorrow? When we can't be the people making the difference? When we don't have the power of Atlantis, have McKay and the staff that gave us the ability to do what we felt had to be done? I know what your choice will mean to you."

"Elizabeth, we both know, it will never be the same. We can never be who we were again. We'll figure it out."

"Maybe we can be more." Elizabeth said. "Maybe our child can do more."

"Even I know better than to question a pregnant lady, but I've got to wonder what exactly are you thinking?" John had a feeling he wouldn't be thrilled with her answer.

"It's something you would have to think of, accept on your own. It wouldn't work any other way. I'm not sure it's something you would be ready for."

"You think there is something besides fatherhood that I am less ready for?" He asked, trying to suppress his eyes from stretching wider.

"Oh, John. How I wish that was the scariest thing facing us now. "

John tugged the sheet back around them as a chill suddenly swept though him. "I think we've made enough decisions for one day." He finally ventured.

"The biggest one of all, though I eventually still want to know what changed your mind about me." She muttered, the fatigue in her voice hanging heavy.

"It may not make you happy." John said, wanting to wait another day, enjoy this tiny moment of peace.

"But you are with me, you came for me. I think I can be more open minded than you think."

"We'll see." He said cringing at the thought of explaining how both Chaya and Teer being played a part in that decision. "Just one night Elizabeth, just tonight can we forget I needed a reason?" He asked and then realized her silence was not reluctance, but submission to the fatigue she had not recovered from. He hoisted her slender body from the floor with some effort and made a mental note to not allow her to rest in the floor in the later stages of her pregnancy.

He laid her in the bed and watched her, watching the moonlight dance upon her peaceful face. His hands could not stay away from her stomach, fascinated with the hard swelling that had replaced the soft almost emaciated space. He realized he couldn't wait to see it swollen as the child grew. He couldn't wait to feel it moving, kicking and turning. He couldn't wait to hold it, to meet it.

He realized how he already loved it. His ex-wife had wanted to wait to have children so he'd suppressed his desire long ago. Now he hoped he could welcome him or her to a warm, comfortable home. A place he could teach them about football, baseball, a place they could enjoy a childhood before learning of the horrors its mother and father had dedicated their lives to conquering. Surely he and Elizabeth had sacrificed enough to earn that for their child.

Elizabeth stirred and nestled in closer against his side. Her hands began to seek out the various scars adorning his body, stroking each one gently before moving on to the next. In the one night they had shared on Atlantis, she had quizzed him on each and every imperfection. Laughing at the tiny scar from a fish hook, and then tearing up as she relived his more life threatening injuries. Her hands came to rest on his neck, her thumb stroking against the faintest outline of the scar left from the Wraith feeding on him when Koyla had held him prisoner. He realized that they both had made decisions that would haunt them always, no matter what the other said to alleviate the guilt. He drifted off to fitful sleep with his hand rubbing across her stomach.


	5. Chapter 5

An intense bright light steamed painfully against John's eyes as he struggled to wake up.

"Sheppard. Wake up. Rodney is sulking around worried about you. If the Wraith or Asurans don't attack soon, I'll hurt him myself."

"Ronon! You are not helping. John, we are here, your team is here with you. We need you to concentrate, focus on our voices. We need you to come back to us," Teyla said, issuing a stern look of warning towards Ronan.

"And I am _not_ sulking. Since when is it a crime to be concerned about your friend? " Rodney said, his cheeks flushing with indignation.

"Elizabeth…where…" John managed to say finally. His voice was weak and quiet, almost unrecognizable to himself.

Teyla's hands clasped firmly around his wrist. "I am sorry John. When we recovered you, we were unable to detect her life sign. The Wraith were coming, we stayed as long as we could."

He squeezed his eyes tightly together, and tried to ignore the excruciating pain in the pit of his stomach. He'd failed her again. He tried again to force his eyes open. "Nanites. You have to scan me, could be infected."

"John, you are fine. You were not infected." Teyla tried to assure him.

"We scanned you several times actually. It wasn't really necessary though, the bleeding wound in your stomach kind of gave it away," Rodney said.

John reached down and could feel the outlines of bandages wrapped around his waist through the thin infirmary sheet. His eyes opened wide now and he struggled to sit up, catching the IV in the sheets as he moved. He swiftly yanked it from his arm, cursing softly as it slowed him down. He was on his feet before his team realized what he was planning.

"John what are you doing, you are injured, you must get back in bed!" Teyla's stern voice didn't quite sound surprised.

"The hell I do. I had her life sign, she was there! She was alive. Every minute we waste will make it harder to track where they've taken her now," John said, furious he even had to point that out. Why were they all with him- they should be looking, analyzing, doing something.

"We have our best people working on it," Rodney said.

"I thought I was looking at our best people. How long was I gone before you came for me? I need to know how many hours head start they had, determine the maximum distance they could have travelled. I want to see details on every base, every ship they have in those parameters. I want to leave in two hours." John's eyes burned as he spoke, daring them to order him to stay in the infirmary.

"John, it has been six days since you left. Carter was waiting on the IOA to make a decision, if we could attempt a rescue mission. They were taking so long, Carter went ahead and issued approval after the communications equipment, how do you say, suffered unfortunate damage," Teyla said, her eyes turning towards Ronon.

"Yes, yes, yes, it is unfortunate the damage Satedan weapon fire can cause to control crystals!" Rodney complained turning his eyes to Ronon as well.

John nodded at Ronon in silent thanks.

"You told me which ones they were." Ronon said as he turned his head back to Rodney and shrugged.

"Yes, well I didn't realize you meant to destroy them, I thought we could just or I don't know, r_emove them? _Hey, where are you going_?" _Rodney said as John moved again.

"Six days Rodney. Six days and you are wasting time arguing over control crystals." John no longer cared about the pain in his stomach. He inched up before Rodney and stared him in the eyes. "Six…..Days."

"Uh, well, I meant you can't just leave like that. You at least need to put on a shirt," Rodney protested weakly.

John rolled his eyes as he brushed past Rodney and began walking out of the room. The injury had left him weak and inhibited his usually brisk gait. The delay gave him a moment to think before he reached the door to the hallway and stopped dead in his tracks.

"I couldn't have lived unconscious and bleeding for six days. I was shot not even hours after I left Atlantis," John said, turning back towards his team.

"Are you sure? Hours? Based on the state of the tissue damage, Keller said it had happened hours before we found you." McKay's mouth fell open as he considered the different possibilities.

John's mouth clenched so tight that he had to fight to make his jaw relax so he could speak. He pointed at McKay. "Go. Get the possible locations. Teyla, get Keller. I want another scan." His team stood frozen. "Now!"

Ronon grabbed McKay by the shoulders and steered him out of the infirmary. "And McKay, get Zelenka. Get everyone we have. We'd better be able to fly this city by tomorrow. Shields, weapons, cloak, we need it all and don't you even dare waste even one second telling me why it's impossible. If I was with the Asurans five days more than I remember, it's a given they were probing my mind. They know where we are."

Rodney turned his head, his mouth wide open. John wasn't sure if it was because he hadn't thought of that possibility yet or because of the challenge John had just issued. But before Rodney even could let the ramifications sink in, Ronon was again pushing him insistently out the door.

John walked with heavy steps back towards the bed. His teeth pressed together hard enough for the enamel to chip if he continued. He didn't care.

"John-"Teyla moved closer, her eyes searching his own.

"Teyla, I don't want to hear how I'm not responsible. That's bullshit. I took her there. I _left_ here there. Pretty black and white." He turned on his heel and began to pace back and forth before her, no longer feeling the pain from his injury. "But no, that's not good enough for me. I go back empty handed. So I thought. Turns out I probably left them with a pretty nice little map leading them straight to Atlantis. Which I previously parked conveniently closer to them than it had been before. So I think I deserve to be a little angry with myself. "John stopped and slowly rotated around and pulled his eyes up to hers. "Teyla, I need to be angry."

Teyla lowered her eyes as she started to answer, but no words came. He felt her her body almost imperceptibly lean in closer.

"Teyla, we don't have a lot of time here. Why don't you save the pep talk for later so you can go get Keller." John said, trying to contain his anger at himself. He knew she wanted to help. He had taken too much from them all, he couldn't accept any more. She stood transfixed as she stared at his neck. "Teyla? Teyla!"

She slowly raised her eyes to his and silently nodded. She never turned her back to him as she retreated through the door. He felt his head cocking in silent question. She was too intuitive for her abrupt change in tactic to be meaningless. What had she sensed? He followed the path and peered out the doorway, quickly forgetting about Teyla. There were no guards. Damn it! He fumbled about the room until he located his clothing and his earpiece. "Lorne? This is Sheppard. Post two guards immediately outside the infirmary."

"Yes sir, right away. What is their assignment?" Lorne asked.

"They are not to let me out of their sight."

Two hours later John was dressed and proceeding towards the control room. Lorne alone accompanied him now; his scans had come back clean once again. Rodney was due to report back to him, his team was supposed to be ready to move out, but to John everything felt wrong. He was afraid they had waited too long. John paused to see the display on the long range sensors, amazed the Asurans had still not appeared on approach of the city. Lorne stayed by the screen as John moved through Elizabeth's empty office towards the balcony.

"Get McKay down here, he's almost overdue to report," John said as he walked to the balcony, the doors shutting tightly behind him.

He grasped the rail of the balcony with outstretched arms, his body learning forward as he fought to control his breathing. He had promised himself she would be here the next time he walked onto this balcony. He looked up to the sky. "Where are you Elizabeth? Where are you?"

At that moment, he spotted the Deadalus splitting through the clouds as it descended above Atlantis. He heard the door to Elizabeth's office open and Carter's voice drifting through the door. "What is he doing here?"

John turned and began to move towards her and the doors swiftly closed again. Carter remained on the other side, flanked by McKay, Teyla and Ronon. All their eyes were focused firmly on his approach, uneasy as it made him, he only saw concern. Lorne was red faced, running his hands through his hair behind them. How much worse could it get John shrugged and began moving towards them.

"Colonel Sheppard, I've just asked Major Lorne to escort you back to the infirmary." Carter said.

Before John could say a word, a transmission from the Deadalus broke through. "Atlantis, this is Caldwell. Prepare for Dr. Weir's transport."

John turned his head in accusation at his friends; well he'd thought they were his friends anyway. Breaking into a run down the stairs, Carter's footsteps rang behind him as she called out to him "John wait, we need to tell you-"

But then she appeared. All he could focus on was Elizabeth standing before him. His heart was beating so loud all the other noises in Atlantis fell away. She was alive, she was unharmed. She was on Atlantis. The burden he'd imposed upon himself finally fell away, and a light seemed to reach his heart once again. Her hair seemed a bit longer and she wore a loose dress, familiarity nagged at his brain.

He finally became aware of others surrounding her. He paused to take in the team of four marines standing around her, their weapons firmly in hand but mercifully pointing at the ground. But before he could take another step, she was turning. The look of joy on her face to be home radiated throughout her face. A hand suddenly extended around her, grasping her stomach and pulling the loose clothing tight to reveal an extremely swollen stomach. Her arms went around the unseen man's neck as she continued to turn into his embrace. Her head tucked into his neck as she clung to him, hugging him fiercely. As John stared in shock, he felt the air knocked out of his chest, felt time draw to a stop as his heart seized painfully. The man's head rose from behind her hair and John found himself staring into very familiar eyes.

"John? What's wrong?" His heart twisted to hear the tone in her voice. Loving, and too familiar. As were the doppelgangers hand's around Elizabeth's waist.

John's handgun immediately raised in their direction. "Take your hands off her now or I will shoot you."

Elizabeth whipped around, her knees giving out as soon as she saw him. The man caught her, pulling her firmly against his chest as he supported her, one hand never leaving her obviously very pregnant stomach.

"I said let go!" John bellowed.

The man holding her looked toward the side. "Marine? Help her to the infirmary? No offense to Caldwell's medical team, but I think at seven months, Elizabeth may be a little overdue for a checkup with Keller."

"No, NO! I'm not going anywhere without you!" She was grasping frantically to keep a grasp on the man as the marine tried to lead her away.

Ronan's hand suddenly slammed down upon John's arm, knocking his gun away. Carter was standing right beside him. "We need to talk ,John."

The world was spinning under John's feet. As Elizabeth still fought to maintain her grasp on the doppelganger, her eyes moved over and locked upon his.

Carter cleared her throat. "Right, so, we have a bit of a situation. The John Sheppard to my right will be referred to as John. The John Sheppard accompanying Dr. Weir will be referred to as Sheppard. Neither, for the time being, will be addressed as Colonel. Gentleman, your DNA is a perfect match. It seems as though the Asurans have created a clone, but as of this moment, we see no way of identifying who is the clone."

In a lower voice she turned to John and began speaking quietly into his ear. "Chaya contacted the Deadalus as they passed over the Cloister, allowed Caldwell to beam them out. The calculations add up. They've been there about seven months. For what it's worth, her baby, was conceived while she was on Atlantis. It could be anybody's."

That couldn't be possible; the floor seemed to tilt faster as his thoughts began to race more furiously. Elizabeth's cancer. But the nanites, had the nanites repaired-the nanites! "Are they okay, her and the ….baby? What about the nanites?"

Carter cocked her head curiously when he expressed concern about the baby. "They all checked out clean. Including Sheppard. Hedda apparently cleansed them from Elizabeth's blood, and the baby's, after she had healed Sheppard. He'd never been infected, but he had the same blast wound as you. "

"Hedda?"

"Yes, apparently Chaya has been watching you. So has Teer. Ancients are beginning to join together, fighting against their rules, fighting against the Wraith and the Asurans."

His eyes were still locked with Elizabeth's. Carter continued talking, but her words were fading away. His feet moved forward and Elizabeth's eyes finally started to blink. As tears began to stream from her eyes she tore her gaze away from him and the marine lost the tug of war as she pulled herself firmly into Sheppard's arms again.

John pressed his eyes together and stopped walking. Without allowing him so much as a word, she'd made her choice. He took a deep breath and exhaled, allowing the blackness of his anger to fill the space the air had vacated. This was all his fault. It was time to face more consequences for the choices he'd made. A few more breaths and he was ready. He lowered his head and nodding slowly he began backing away. Her eyes locked on him again as he retreated.

He saw her knees buckle again and her eyes fluttering just before she went unconscious. It took more strength then he knew he had left to not bolt for her, but Sheppard had already swept her up into his arms. That could be no easy task with her pregnancy so advanced. But the other Sheppard didn't seem to feel the discomfort, only fear. The raw emotion radiating from his face as Sheppard worried over her pierced John like a knife in the heart. Why had he never found the courage to show her his feelings as Sheppard had? No wonder she'd chosen him.

John spun on his heel, finding the strength to run somehow. His feet led him beyond the voices, beyond his friends attempt to follow. He tore the radio from his ear and flung it to the ground as he went deeper and deeper into Atlantis. Somewhere that would leave them no doubt he wanted to be alone.

* * *

-This story is not over, bear with me and subscribe if you'd like notices for new chapters. I'm posting as fast as I can complete my feeble attempts at editing. Hope you enjoy!


	6. Chapter 6

It was the next day before John resurfaced. He was out of power bars and the pain in his stomach had increased each moment since he'd ripped out the IV in the infirmary. Everything that had changed overnight didn't affect the crisis hanging over the city. The Asurans would be here soon, that had to take priority or nothing else would have a chance to matter.

He went by his quarters first to clean up and get a change of clothes. He strode inside and paused, sensing immediately that he should not have come here. These weren't just his quarters anymore, they may never be again. As he was moved into the bathroom and began to shave, the enormity of the decisions that had to be made suddenly weighed upon him. His only thoughts before had been of anger, anger over losing Elizabeth. A magnitude of mundane decisions would have to be made, before they could even begin to tackle the bigger issues. He was wiping his face when he heard the door open behind him. He turned, not entirely surprised to see Sheppard enter the room.

"I just needed some clean clothes. I wasn't thinking, just walked straight here. " Sheppard said, running his hands through his hair. It was odd to hear his voice escape the man's mouth. It sounded, different. Tired. The dark circles under his eyes were prominent as was the look of caution on his face. When John didn't speak, Sheppard continued. "Right, I'll just be leaving then."

John stood in shock and not just because of his surprising deference to John's feelings. Sheppard had clearly showered and made use of the razor. Without the clothes from the Cloister and the beard, his appearance was even more disturbing than the day before. John's wound was now radiating intensely with pain and each word Sheppard had spoken caused the dull ache in his head flare towards migraine force. Yet he almost dreaded when his injuries healed. Then there would be nothing to mask the agony he had forced beneath the physical pain.

John turned and pulled an extra pair of boots and a clean uniform from the closet. "How's Elizabeth?" John finally managed through clenched teeth.

"I'd say it's a pretty safe bet that she's feeling more conflicted than either of us. " Sheppard said, his body growing rigid at the mention of her name.

"But how is she, the…baby?" John persisted, taking a step closer pushing the clothes towards Sheppard. He never would have left her, not even for a change of clothes. He noted how Sheppard's eyes narrowed when he asked about the baby.

"They seem fine, Keller kicked me out to do a thorough exam, but their vital signs are strong. She asked to see you, you know. She wants to talk to you." Sheppard said averting his eyes, but not before John saw a flash of pain. He realized for the first time that Sheppard was worried about losing her. Sheppard moved into the bathroom to change.

"Doesn't look like there's much to talk about. She made a choice yesterday, she made that clear." He said, knowing Sheppard could hear him. "You got any ideas what we are supposed to do? I don't care about clothes, and I don't have a lot of personal items here. But honestly I don't know what I would have done if you'd come in here with the intentions of packing them all up."

"Maybe I don't like the way you assume you get to keep the room." Sheppard said as he returned. Sheppard then turned his head quickly, pressing his mouth together. His head turned almost imperceptibly from side to side, almost as though he was angry at himself for the flash of anger.

John didn't care. "I couldn't imagine you would need it. Elizabeth's quarters are larger after all. More suitable for a family." He said, not even trying to disguise the jealousy in his voice.

"Gentlemen." Carter's voice sliced through the tense air between the men. "I hoped to catch you sooner. We obviously have lots to figure out. Look, we'll copy pictures, divide the personal clothes. We'll round up more uniforms. That's not the big picture here now, so don't and I repeat do not let me find you fighting like little boys over the Johnny Cash poster. "

"The IOA wants you off duty for another 48 hours. After that, they are prepared to take the recommendation of the medical staff that neither of you have been or currently are infected with nanites. Oddly enough, they really don't seem to mind that there is no way to tell which one of you is a clone. I think they like the idea of having two of you around. I need you two to work out the rest. You can each have your own team-"

"And what, one of us gets the team I put together and the other has to start all over?" John sputtered. He had little doubt that with Elizabeth at Sheppard's side, everyone would eventually come to view him as the real John Sheppard.

"Maybe you can split the team up and add other-"Carter began.

"So what, he's been here one night and I'm already losing my team?" John's anger exploding through the furious tone of his voice. "Carter, are you really trying to tell me you've given up? All the damn technology in this place and you want to convince me that it is impossible to figure this out?"

Carter started to speak, but John cut her off and kept spewing. "What about parallel universes? One of us is in the wrong one."

"John, too much time has passed, one of you would have died, we've experienced it before at Stargate Comm-"

"Well what about tissue samples? Can't you tell which set of organs, hell, our skin cells- one has to show a greater amount of aging then the other." He was shouting now, and though it was making his own head hurt worse he found he couldn't stop.

"No, John, we tried. We took a sample of Sheppard on the Deadalus, we tested you when you were in the infirmary. There is no difference. " Carter maneuvered in front of John and gingerly put her hands on his shoulders. "John, we can keep trying. But have you thought about the consequences of finding out? Either one of you could be a clone. If it's you, do you want to know? Do you want everyone here on Atlantis to know? Everything would change and I'm not sure it would be in a good way."

John looked her dead in the eyes. "Carter, I want to know. Whether it is good for me or not."

"And what about Elizabeth?" She asked quietly. She took her hands from John and walked over to address Sheppard. "If we find out you are a clone, they will immediately begin to wonder if she is as well since you were found together. Actually, I'm surprised no one has voiced that concern already."

John's heart rate began to race as Carter continued rattled off implications. Elizabeth. Would John Sheppard always find a way to hurt her? He had to strain to continue to hear Carter's words over the sound of his heart pounding in his ears.

Carter began to pace back and forth between the two men. "What will happen if we know? One John Sheppard will lose everything. People will treat you differently, see you differently even though you share the same memories, shared the same past, the clone will lose everything."

Carter paused for a moment, taking a deep breath. "I won't stop you, stop our scientists if you decide you can't live without knowing. But I'm not sure Atlantis will survive the truth. The crew is still shaken from everything that has happened and having Elizabeth back is critical to our success here. I'm not saying this will be easy. I'm asking you to consider what I've said, consider trying to find a way to make this work. Having two John Sheppard's on Atlantis is great from my perspective, you have the strongest occurrence of the ATA gene, and power to do things that most of us cannot. You have the respect of everyone around you, their trust. Give it some time; find a way to make this work. Take turns going out with the team on missions, I don't care how you work it out, just do it."

"Actually, I'd prefer to not be assigned to a team right now. There is plenty to keep me busy with here on Atlantis." Sheppard said with his eyes again avoiding John's. Sheppard's face had turned pale, and though his injuries had long healed, he suddenly looked much worse than John. Carter's words had affected him deeply, probably for the same reason they had upset him. Elizabeth.

Carter nodded slowly, understanding what Sheppard had not said. Surprised, but it didn't take a genius to see he didn't want to let Elizabeth out of his sight. John felt his stomach roll in disgust. For himself. It would drive Sheppard crazy to be stuck here on Atlantis with teams out on missions. And he was giving it up as if it was nothing for Elizabeth. Could he have done the same? What had happened to Sheppard in the seven months he was in the Cloister that changed him so? John saw a maturity he'd long resisted apparent in the other mans actions and his restraint. Sheppard seemed to have become a man that Elizabeth deserved, the man he could never be. She had made the right decision.

"Maybe we can…talk later. I need to get back to the infirmary." Sheppard said, anxiously eyeing the door.

"Whatever. And take anything you want. I don't care." John said as he fled the room. "And you" he turned back turned Carter, "You need to get back to McKay and Zelenka and help them fix the city. We are running out of time."

Sheppard's eyes widened with surprise. He was looking strangely at Carter.

"You haven't told them have you?" John strode back towards Carter. "You've been keeping an awful lot of secrets lately. Is there anything else you are withholding from either of us? Carter!"

She shook her head. "John we're addressing the problem. There was nothing she could do. Keller asked me not to tell Elizabeth until she'd had a chance to examine her today. This is the first time Sheppard's left her side; I hadn't gotten a chance to speak with him privately."

John turned again to head out the door. "C'mon Sheppard, I'll walk you to the infirmary. I'd better bring you up to speed."

Carter watched the men leave, shaking her head in frustration. Why couldn't Jack have gotten cloned? He was much simpler in many ways than John. Jack would probably be thrilled to be cloned. The Jack's would probably never tell anyone and fight only over the amount of time each got to work and each got to fish. She could maybe even have one by her side now. She prayed they could figure this out soon. She was so homesick, she literally been feeling sick for days. She began to trail behind the John Sheppard's to the infirmary.

She caught up with them just as they reached the infirmary door. They were silent, each looking at each other with that familiar John Sheppard look of concentration. She realized she didn't know which one was which. She pulled the duct tape from her pocket, tearing off a piece with her teeth.

One turned, angry to see her. "I told you to find McKay!"

She walked right up to him and slapped the duct tape over his name badge. She pulled a sharpie from her pocket and scrawled "John" on it. She tore another piece and moved towards the other. She stuck it on his name tag and scribbled Sheppard.

Carter turned back to John. "I have been with McKay and Zelenka all night. The city will be ready today. I need to see Keller, I'm not feeling… I just need to see Keller. And remember, until Elizabeth resumes command and your 48 hours are up, I am in charge of Atlantis." She patted both their new name tags and strolled between them and disappeared into the infirmary.

"Switching tactics. She's just gonna annoy us now until we work it out so she can go home." John muttered.

He caught the slightest twitching at the corners of Sheppard's mouth at his comment. They both reached down and tore the duct tape off at the same time. Both of their foreheads furrowed at the same time as they noticed each other's actions. "This...is…a little creepy." John said. But he had already lost Sheppard's attention. He turned and saw Elizabeth moving towards them.

"I was wondering what was taking you so long, though after seven months you'd think I'd appreciate the alone time more." Her teasing voice called out softly, the loving undertone filling all the spaces with words she hadn't said. John's heart began to beat erratically as he fought to control his response, repress the brief joy that had to have flickered through his face when she directed her words towards him.

She turned as she grew closer, spotting Sheppard now as well. She faltered only a moment before moving directly to Sheppard's side. She looked back at John. "I'm glad you decided to come John, I'd like to speak to you."

Elizabeth looked unbearably adorable in her odd outfit. She had a black military issue tee shirt that fit snugly around her extended stomach. She wore it with camo pants that were so long they almost hid her boots. Her hair had grown more than John had first realized and he found himself staring, probably smiling like an idiot. John forced his eyes down and spotted Sheppard's hand moving behind Elizabeth's back, extending around her side to rest on the side of her stomach. Sheppard's eyes rose to meet his in silent warning.

He considered it his, clearly. John would probably feel the same, after seven months alone with Elizabeth. John had had all night to suffer through realizations on what he had missed in that time, all the little moments that count for so much. Suffering as he watched Elizabeth endure the early months, unable to help her. The joy at feeling the child move, kick for the very first time. How many conversations, shared hopes and dreams of the life they hoped to create for the child. It was his child too. As much as his feet seemed primed to run, to stay away, he knew in that second he couldn't walk away without a fight. It was his child. His Elizabeth.

The radio blared in his ear, snapping him back to attention. "Sheppard! I mean John...I mean...this is stupid, who came up with this system? " McKay's voice prattled across the radio.

"McKay, what have you got?" John answered; Sheppard didn't have a radio yet.

"We have a new system online, I didn't even know it existed. It shows us the…oh my."

"McKay!" John warned.

"Yes, yes I see her, Zelenka she's standing right in front of me, how could I not see her? John…I…uh…I, well I actually don't think you'll believe me to be honest with you. You'd better get down to the Control Room!"

"On my way." John said.

"What's going on?" Elizabeth asked, her head bobbing back and forth between the two men.

Without trusting himself to look to her eyes again, John peered inside the infirmary door, spotting Carter moving behind a curtain with Keller. John turned to Sheppard. "Talk to Keller, make sure she's cleared. I'll have Lorne get you a radio, we'll keep you posted. And send Carter down to the Control Room when she's done."

He took a step away but finally couldn't stop himself from turning back towards Elizabeth. She eyed him intently, but without the fear he had seen the night before. How had she known which one Sheppard was earlier? They looked exactly the same, were dressed exactly the same.

His eyes dropped and saw her hands crossed, resting on her stomach. Everything inside him was screaming stop, but his hands kept moving. John reached out and took her hands. His thumbs lightly ghosting over her stomach as he did so. He refused to look up, to let her see the tears that sprung to his eyes. He squeezed her hands tightly for the shortest of moments, before releasing her as he started to run.

The pain in his stomach fell away more with every step he took. His fingers still burned from the seconds Elizabeth had grasped his hand in return.

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	7. Chapter 7

John entered the control room and found McKay and Zelenka flanked by a science team twittering with excitement. Their eyes were wide and intently focused on the monitors before them. Lorne entered from the opposite side, a team of several marines trailed behind him. "Got your escorts ready Doctor's." Lorne moved past them stopping in front of John. "Sir."

"Lorne, have someone get Sheppard a radio. He's up in the infirmary with Elizabeth. Probably ought to send her one too."

"Right away sir." Lorne tapped his radio and issued the order.

"And before you go anywhere, want to tell me what's going on? I always get a bad feeling when McKay and Zelenka are _not_ arguing." John said quietly.

"The marines are escorting them, helping them carry equipment down to Level H." Lorne said, eyeing McKay warily seeming surprised they'd allowed him to get even that much out.

"So the name stuck? Well it did feel like Hell down there near the propulsion systems. Why are they all going down there is the stardrive damaged worse than we thought?"

"No they found-"

"Sheppard, finally! You've got to look at this! So I'm running diagnostics double checking that all the repaired systems are responding and all of a sudden-"

"We Rodney, we were running diagnostics." Zelenka said.

"Yes, yes, yes,_ we_ were running diagnostics when_ I_ discovered this. Look at this, there must have been a damaged connection before we even arrived on Atlantis. We probably fixed it when we were working on all the other repairs, quite remarkable when you think about actually-" McKay said turning his head to the side quickly losing himself in his thoughts.

"Rodney!" John said.

McKay's head snapped back around. "Right, yes, well it looks as though the Ancients were constructing a lab here on Atlantis-"

"To build ZPM's!"

"Zelenka! Why would you do that? I let you tell when you discover something." McKay's face flushed indignantly.

"No Rodney, no you don't." Zelenka said, shaking his head sadly.

"Right. Anyway, we suspected they didn't have a lab here for obvious reasons. If they lost control of the city, the conquerors would have unlimited access to power. But during the siege, that decision was haunting them. They were watching their ZPM's deplete rapidly and were cut off. So they were building a ZPM factory if you will. It looks like they were very close, if we can finish their work…" McKay trailed off dreamily.

"I get the picture. You want to get down there. What's the status of the City?" John asked.

McKay and Zelenka exchanged a glance. This would not be good news.

"Well the good news is that all of the major systems are operational." Mckay said.

"So there is bad news? Because that sounds pretty good to me."

"The systems themselves work, but the power connections are fried throughout the city. We can re-route power to each system but at most we can only power one major system at a time. We have crews working around the clock restoring connections, but even if we repaired every one, we still only have one ZPM. "

"Meaning?" John asked

"Meaning you might get two major systems or you could get four. " McKay said frowning in concentration.

"Meaning you might keep one consistently, if we try more than one we will run the risk of overloading the ZPM. We will not have time to ground all the new connections to prevent system overload." Zelenka interjected.

"One is enough to get us out of here. McKay, you can send a team to check out this lab- a small team. I want everyone else to continue working on repairs. We can't afford to lose man hours now, if the Ancients didn't have it up and running, I don't know how we could expect being able to finish it before we run into the Asurans." John said feeling his impatience rising.

"But Sheppard, we could put everybody on it and have as many ZPM's as we want. Can you imagine what we could do? Besides, you're not in charge now, you're on medical leave for another couple of days." McKay said ignoring the warning looks radiating from John's eyes.

"It's John, remember? And to hell with the IOA. "John moved up directly in front of McKay. "Now, stop whining and tell me what you were prattling about on the radio. So far, this has all seemed a little anti-climatic. She who? I ran the whole way with a stomach injury half convinced I would find another Elizabeth in the gate room. "

"You wish." McKay muttered under his breath. He realized John had heard him and visible tremors began coursing through his body.

John's face twisted with anger, his hands curled into tight fists at his side. McKay scrambled backwards, tripping over Zelenka and falling into heap on the floor.

"Lorne, do something! John I didn't mean it, what I meant is, well, you might wish it was another Elizabeth after you see who it is."

Lorne moved in between the two men and John cocked his head, wondering what he was missing. He turned to survey the control room and noticed Ronan and Teyla standing outside Elizabeth's office. The door was shut and he didn't see anyone within the walls.

"Yes, well you see, you really are the Kirk. She just kind of creeps the rest of us out, so we put her in there to wait." McKay said, still crouching in safety on the floor.

John walked past McKay, deliberately stomping on his foot as he past. He ignored McKay's wails of protest, swept past Teyla and Ronan and entered Elizabeth's office. He spotted a whisper of creamy fabric on the balcony and his heart stopped for a moment, wondering if McKay had lied. Deceit seemed to be becoming a trend here on Atlantis, not much would surprise him at this point. He was wrong.

She turned slowly and looked at him strangely for a moment. "It is good to see you John Sheppard."

He let out the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding in. Taking the final steps onto the balcony he braced himself. "So I take it cell phones don't work in your area of the solar system? It's a long trip just to say hello Chaya."

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	8. Chapter 8

John walked past Chaya and rested his hands on the balcony railing. He looked out at the sea before him, remembering the drama the last time she'd visited Atlantis.

"I am sorry John; things have been very…busy. Besides, I did not wish to interfere; I could see my presence here caused complications for you. Where_ is_ Dr. Weir? I would like to speak with her as well." Chaya said.

"I'm not sure that's a good idea. It's a little busy around here too. But if you've the time for a social visit, maybe you want to come along for a ride? We could sure use that fireball thing you do." John said, feeling uneasy to be alone in her presence. If he was to have any chance with Elizabeth, the last thing he wanted remind her of the huge deal McKay always made about him and ascended women.

"John, I'm aware there has only really been one woman in your heart. That's not why I am here."

"Yes, well pregnant women aren't always the most rational when it comes to their emotions. " John said, twisting uncomfortably to the side to face her again. "So, sorry to skip over the small talk, but exactly why are you here then?"

"I have come to ask for assistance." Chaya said.

John raised an eyebrow at her.

"I really would like to speak with Dr. Weir. Dr. McKay as well. I do not have much time and I'd prefer to not have to-"

"Damn it!" Sheppard's voice rang out.

John hadn't even notice the door open behind him. His eyes strained to see around Sheppard and spotted Elizabeth speaking with McKay in the control room.

Cadman entered the office behind Sheppard. "Let's get you wired up." She said as she handed Sheppard the radio. He grasped it without even looking, still staring ahead at Chaya.

"She still hasn't forgiven me for Teer's little visit in the Cloister, for your involvement with that visit." Sheppard said, frozen and seeming unwilling to take even a single step closer.

"Duck and cover Colonel's, here she comes." Cadman said before fleeing the room.

John wanted to know what the hell Sheppard was talking about. Carter had only briefly mentioned Teer and Chaya's involvement in Elizabeth's recovery, but he hadn't realized Sheppard had spoken with either of them.

Before he could ask, Elizabeth entered the office. She saw Chaya just as she reached Sheppard's side. John had seen her angry too many times to count, but the look on her face now made him want to run, and it was directed at Sheppard, not him. Her eyes flashed accusingly as her body turned towards Sheppard, silently demanding an explanation.

"Hey don't look at me, I don't even have a radio." Sheppard said raising his hands indignantly in the air.

Elizabeth's eyebrow raised. "Really, because the object you're holding looks curiously like a radio to me."

Sheppard looked in his hand and seemed almost shocked to find it there. "Oh come on, Cadman just handed this to me. I've been with you almost every minute since we've been back."

"Yes. _Almost _every minute." She growled.

"Elizabeth, I'm not the one on the balcony getting cozy with her. I've made a commitment; I've made difficult choices. Given up more than you even know yet. I did it willingly, and I'd do it again and again and again. For you. How dare you doubt me now, doubt my love. "Sheppard said as he moved closer, looming over Elizabeth as he spoke. His voice had grown louder with every word, yet Elizabeth's shoulders relaxed a bit finally.

Sheppard leaned closer to her, speaking quietly now. "Maybe this is a good thing, Maybe John can move forward now, move on with his own life more easily if someone else was in the picture."

The world around John went black as he heard Sheppard's words. He felt an arm grasp his and turned to find Teyla, her eyes warning him not to take action he'd regret. Before he even had a chance to react further, Elizabeth started yelling in earnest.

"What the hell is the matter with you? You ignore this, you make jokes about this, you act like he is just some guy. How could you say that, just ignore the fact that he is John Sheppard as much as you are. Ignore the fact that John Sheppard is the father of this child. Not just you. John Sheppard. How can you pretend that I didn't love John Sheppard before there were two of you?"

Elizabeth turned to storm away, but Sheppard caught her and firmly pulled her back. She pulled away again.

"Great Elizabeth, run away. You looked for excuses to stay away from me since the day we met. How _do_ you think I feel now that there are two of us? I never really had you, not until we were stuck in the Cloister and there was no one to see us. I've been counting the minutes since we've been back. Since we found out about him. I guess I ought to be happy, you lasted longer than I thought before finding a reason to end this." Sheppard said, his voice hard and cold. And hurt.

Elizabeth stormed up behind him anger still clearly coarsing through her face, but when Sheppard turned to face her, she changed her mind and began to retreat again.

"Stop running Elizabeth!" Sheppard yelled, catching her arm again, yanking her back to him a little harder than John was comfortable with.

Teyla's tight grasp kept John planted where he stood.

"Stop running ." Sheppard's voice was softer now, pleading.

When Elizabeth's eyes turned upward, John could see the tears flowing down her face. Sheppard's hand grasped the back of her head and pulled her in close within his arms. The world had fallen away for the pair as they argued. They were oblivious that all eyes in the control room were completely engrossed in the exchange, oblivious to John's internal pain. He thought he'd take pleasure in seeing them fight. But having watched them argue convinced him more than ever that he had already lost the battle. It didn't mean he had to stay and watch.

Carter arrived to John's relief. "Carter this is Chaya. She wants your help." John said as Teyla's hand finally released his arm. He walked across the room and Elizabeth's eyes suddenly focused through her tears.

"John, wait!" She said.

But he was already gone. He heard McKay's voice calling out to him as he raced through the control room.

"Oh this is unbelievable! You and Elizabeth? Before? How could you not tell me! This is your baby?" McKay's voice followed him.

Great. Everyone in the control room had heard. Actually, worse because McKay now knew. John stepped into the transport as a marine was exiting. And so all of Atlantis will know by-

"Colonel, I mean John. I mean, sir. Congratulations! I just heard-"

John shut the door in his face.


	9. Chapter 9

"John, please stop, I've been looking everywhere for you. Carter wants to meet in thirty minutes to discuss Chaya's proposal." Teyla's voice cut through the chatter in the hallway.

He could only imagine how hot the gossip had gotten in the hour that had passed since he'd left the gate room. He faltered for a moment realizing he'd long forgotten Chaya, forgotten to wonder what kind of help she wanted. But he _was_ feeling much better since to the lovely antibiotic Keller had given him. She'd told him another lie. Had to be. Everything was beginning to seem just a little… funny. He was starting to find the situation a little cartoonish. Hmm, is cartoonish a word he wondered? Possibly, very possibly it was just the start of the fracture of his sanity.

"Do you mean John or do you mean Sheppard? Because John Sheppard is not available now. I can take a message if you'd like. If you're lucky, he'll get back to you before Elizabeth finishes slicing up the pieces of his heart." He said, knowing his response would give him away.

"It is not difficult to tell. Your paths have diverged greatly John; you are not the same man." Teyla said.

"And how many do you think are as intuitive as you Teyla? Everything is different, and I don't see any way it can be a good thing. Or maybe it could be. I… hmm…maybe I could finally take a vacation. Oh, no that's right, I can't because Sheppard already called it. Doesn't want to go off world and leave his pretty pregnant girlfriend. What a good man he is."

"We cannot always see the path John, but it is there all the same. You cannot give up John; you don't know what will happen." Teyla responded.

"Yes Confucius, I'm sure you're trying to help, but I think you need to limit any further time with Chaya. She really is a nice girl, but trouble seems to surround her. You know, she's more like me than I realized. Maybe Sheppard is right, maybe we are meant for each other." John said, deep in thought.

He forgot Teyla was there for a moment and began walking when she moved in front of him. He barely missed walking directly into her, making him wonder what exactly Keller had given him. Of course, he had ignored her orders to immediately return to his bed.

That should have been his first clue. But it was such a common phrase; he hadn't given it a second thought when he'd left the infirmary. How did he get here? To where he dismissed injuries such as blast wounds like they were a paper cut. Something had gone very wrong with the plan. His father's plan. Hell, his own plan. John had never been very ambitious, hadn't worried about such things as rank or postings. And somehow, he ended up here all the same. All because of Elizabeth. Otherwise he'd still be safely numb in the cold of Antarctica.

But she'd given him hope; she'd reignited his desire to serve something greater than himself. The very reason he'd angered his father so many years ago. John always wanted to be different; always strived to be more than the rich kid, the boss's son. He wanted to earn his way in life, deserve his position. He didn't feel very deserving at the moment. He felt… he blissfully felt very little actually.

Keller was a lovely girl really, a lovely doctor. She had wondrous pills at her disposal. He was beginning to hope his "infection" was significant enough to warrant another pill when this one wore off.

"Time is something there is never enough of John. Do not waste it. Have you spoken with her yet?" Teyla asked as she stepped aside. "As in a real conversation. Have you discussed the child?"

John looked at her strangely for a moment, trying to focus and formulate some appropriate answer. The comforting haze cleared briefly, and again he wondered what she had sensed, what she somehow understood that he could not. He tried to force his thoughts to ascertain some semblance of clarity through the fuzz of the medicine.

"Teyla, go find McKay and make sure he's working and not just running his mouth. Tell him we want the city ready to fly in six hours. Tell Ronan to shoot him if he wastes more than ten seconds explaining why it's impossible. I know one ZPM isn't enough to lift off and we don't have the drilling station. He didn't seem concerned earlier; I'm assuming he's come up with another brilliant solution. And it better have better results than Dornandan. He still owes me for that, Elizabeth never forgave me for trusting him over her." John said before moving on down the hall. To hell with the IOA and their 48 hours. Atlantis didn't have that long and he'd wasted enough time focusing on his own troubles.

"John that is what the meeting is about. Chaya has proposed an alternative. A possible end to our running. She will not be attending the meeting, but she is here awaiting our response. I have escorted her to vacant staff quarters while she waits."

John just stared at Teyla, forcing his mind to concentrate. Elizabeth's words kept echoing through his head. "I loved John Sheppard before there were two of you." He needed to talk to Elizabeth, Teyla was right. And he was numb enough to handle hearing, numb enough to acknowledge he needed to know what the hell else he'd missed about their stay in the Cloister.

"When will I learn Teyla? I hurt her again and again. Every time, I've sided against her. Every time I hurt her, pretending there was nothing between us. I put myself in danger constantly; being so dense I never realized what I did to her. But then I put her in danger. You'd have hurt me by now. I probably wouldn't be standing here today if you were in her shoes."

"I am standing here today for the same reason she is. We care. And because we do, we have to let you go, be the man you feel you need to be in that moment. When you care about someone, you could never take that away. Even when it hurts."

She paused and John's head began to hurt again as he tried so hard to focus through the fog. He'd learned a long time ago with women, the real communication often was hidden between the words or within the silence. Their subtlety could be almost a trap, a test of your worthiness. Though he tried, he could not see what she hadn't said. He resolved to stay away from the infirmary, and to never trust Keller again.

"So you will be there? Or should I have Ronan bring you?" Teyla said rousing him from his thoughts.

A sigh escaped John before he stopped fighting the medicine. "Sure, sounds like great fun. Who knows, I might find out they are married next time I see them."

He saw the visible wince cross Teyla's face. Remembered Sheppard's words "I made a commitment." He felt it the moment the darkness pierced through his barriers, the moment the lone remaining ember of hope was lost.

"Teyla, you've played poker with Cadman, right?"

Her eyebrow raised, he knew she had. She knew that.

"If you love someone, you have to let them be the person they feel the need to be in that moment- that's what you said, right? So, going by your unquestionable wisdom, I should never try to take that away. Even if it hurts." He watched Teyla's face twist with regret and saw the truth in her pained inability to answer.

John starting walking and Teyla followed. He turned back to her only once, finding her eyes deep in concentration, probably cursing silently that he'd managed to use her words in his favor. His chest almost puffed literally with pride at the thought. Maybe he should go see Keller again, maybe the medicine helped in ways he hadn't yet anticipated. It was the first time he'd ever rendered Teyla silent. That had to mean something. It probably wasn't good though.

John headed straight to the control room. He wanted to see the long range sensors again with his own eyes. After he was satisfied that no Asuran vessel seemed on course towards them, he forced himself to follow through his decision.

"Is the Deadalus still in orbit?" He asked of no one in particular.

"Yes…ah...yes sir." The lieutenant said, looking slightly nervous.

John remembered the staff could no longer tell the two John Sheppard's apart. Well, without Elizabeth in the room that was. He could learn to live with their discomfort. He sadly found he somewhat enjoyed the lieutenants anxiety.

"Let's give Caldwell a jingle, shall we?"

"John, what are you doing?" Teyla's voice seemed faint and distant. As did everything suddenly. All he could hear was the sound of his own erratic heartbeat and one phrase repeating again and again in his mind.

"I think it's obvious. It's time to fold Teyla." John said with his eyes focused not on the screen, not on the gate. He stared through Elizabeth's office. Thinking of all the moments he'd wasted with her on the balcony. He'd been bluffing for far too long. And Sheppard was all-in.

Thank you for all the feedback! It makes my day when you take the time to leave reviews.

It's time (and probably overdue) for Elizabeth's POV, so hang tight, I will keep updates coming as fast as I can. I know it's getting darker, so I'll warn you the darkest days have not yet dawned. But I don't think you will hate me at the end. I wouldn't be spending my time on this if I didn't love John/Elizabeth. Thank you for following! Don't forget to review! (you'll earn kharma brownie points) - and subscribe for alerts for new chapters. 


	10. Chapter 10

Elizabeth stalled in the corridor. She wasn't sure she was ready to hear anything proposed by Chaya and she was certain she wasn't ready again to face the sight of both John Sheppard's. As much joy as she felt when she was beamed aboard the Deadalus, she'd immediately experienced a great sense of loss. Her relationship with John would never again be so simple, so pure. Her relationship with Sheppard, she thought inwardly cursing Carter for her carless separation of the two men. She was almost jealous that she couldn't do the same.

She was painfully aware it was just two weeks ago in John's time that she'd fled his bed just as dawn was breaking. Two weeks. If she were in his shoes…She shuddered at the thought. They would not survive this. Atlantis might not survive this. Already her focus had fractured and the more she tried to think of the city, put the city before herself, the more her heart pushed John Sheppard to the front of her mind.

She couldn't deny she was angry. Angry at herself for faltering, for turning to him when she was weak. Angry at the fates for imposing this upon them. It didn't seem fair that John Sheppard be punished because she had dared to want more. It didn't seem right how her heart was torn, how she unwillingly responded when she looked into "John's" eyes. Beneath his pain, she could not mistake the love she found there.

"Elizabeth, are you ready?"

Elizabeth turned to find Carter had arrived at her side, ready to enter for the briefing. Elizabeth slowly nodded, knowing she wasn't ready at all. They entered the room and found Teyla, Ronin and Lorne already seated. Only the two John Sheppard's were still on their feet. One stood on each side of the doorway. Elizabeth slowly looked from one to the other. She saw the muscles on the man to the left grow rigid with tension. To the right, she saw other mans eyes soften as he watched her. She instinctively moved towards his side.

Carter cleared her throat. "I think we all know this is going to be harder than I had hoped when I asked you two to make this work. We will figure something else out with the names, but until then, humor me. The staff are tied in knots trying to figure out who is who." She walked up to John and replaced his name tag with a newly stitched official Velcro name tag that read John. She placed one stitched with Sheppard on the man at Elizabeth's side. "Now, if you'll all be seated I will begin."

Several minutes later, Carter had finished laying out Chaya's proposal and had paused awaiting responses. Elizabeth found herself following Carter's eyes around the room surveying the faces of those in attendance. Each person was nodding in silent agreement, including both John Sheppards. Their eyes were firmly focused on Elizabeth, clearly anticipating her response.

Elizabeth flew to her feet, knocking her chair to the floor in the process. "You can't all be seriously considering this. Rodney blew up a solar system the last time he used that technology!"

"Well, that's the entire point this time. The solar system Chaya identified is uninhabited and has a star within a few years of definite supernova. Our scientists have confirmed this stars density is over two solar masses. When its core collapses, a black hole will form. This solar system will be lost eventually regardless." Carter said.

Elizabeth moved from behind the table towards Carter. "Our scientists confirmed? Where is Rodney, anyway? I can't imagine why he wouldn't want to tell me this."

Before Carter could answer, Sheppard was on his feet. "Can McKay do it? Can he recreate the Dorandan experiment?"

"We have all the data, all the research. It can be done." Carter responded, carefully watching Elizabeth's response.

"No." Elizabeth managed to hiss through her clenched teeth. It was all she could muster through her anger.

"When we will we get a chance like this again Elizabeth? We have help this time, how long do they have until the other Ascended beings notice? You know what will happen to Chaya and Teer? Those working with them?" John said as he rose to his feet.

"What about what will happen to us? I shouldn't have to remind you that Ascended beings are not perfect. It was the Ancients themselves we have to thank for the Wraith and the Asurans. Their mistakes. Their experiment in Dorandan. Why are you so quick to put our trust in them now?" Elizabeth responded, pacing furiously back and forth before the group.

"Our only other option is to run Elizabeth. Earth, ascension, revenge, hunger, these are all very motivational things. They won't stop coming for us. The Wraith alone outnumber us, their technology defeated the Ancients 10,000 years ago. Where does that leave us today? Tomorrow? We have no future; Earth has no future if we can't stop them." John said moving intently towards Elizabeth.

"So we're back to that are we? Tired of sitting around waiting for them to show up, ready to strike first. That's certainly worked well for us in the past." John was too close for her to miss the visible wince in his eyes. An audible gasp from the back of the room reminded her of the other's presence. She turned back towards Sheppard. She could see the anguish still hanging in his eyes from her remarks.

"Elizabeth." Her name emerged almost painfully from Sheppard's lips.

"What? Don't you dare even pretend that you disagree with anything he said. I know what you think, staying silent won't help us here."

"It's not like I could get a word in between you and motor mouth there!"

"John!" Elizabeth refused to address him as Sheppard, even when she was angry.

"Look. If Chaya and Teer weren't involved, if the Dorandan research wasn't involved, if it were five years from now and the star was ready to go supernova all on its own, what would you do? A distress signal will bring every Asuran and Wraith vessel in the universe chasing us right into this trap. We could end this all." Sheppard's voice was quieter now as he moved closer.

Elizabeth walked towards the others still seated at the table. Her voice emerged calm and even, belying the turmoil boiling inside. "I always believed our mission here was about exploration, discovery. Believed Earth's salvation would be in the knowledge and technology we could pass on. I still believe our survival to learn more another day is Earth's best hope."

Elizabeth's eyes closed and she allowed her hands to rub over her stomach. The baby had begun kicking and rolling furiously, responding to the angry voices of its mother and both fathers. But her flash of anger had already run its course. She tried to suppress the growing waves of fear that took its place and ignore the bitter taste of disappointment she always felt when John sided against her. She opened her eyes and turned. She could feel everyone's eyes following her. She didn't dare raise her own to meet a single stare. She strode between the two John Sheppards, pausing only briefly in the doorway. Without looking back, she said "I don't know why we even bother pretending anymore. It doesn't matter what I think. It never did."

Before anyone could respond Elizabeth walked out the door. "Colonel Carter, a word?" She called out as she exited the room.


	11. Chapter 11

Elizabeth had reached the balcony outside her office when Carter caught up with her.

"Elizabeth-"

"Does he know?" Elizabeth turned to face Carter, more infuriated when she discovered her bulging stomach somewhat hindered her well practiced I'm angry stance.

"Does…what?" Carter said. She seemed taken aback, clearly expecting a much different conversation.

"Does John know it was no accident he was the one chosen to fly Jack to the Ancient outpost?" Elizabeth said, taking a step closer as she waited for Carter's response.

Carter's mouth fell open and her eyes widened. Her mouth shut, then opened again but no words escaped.

Elizabeth took one more step pulling her frame up as tall as she could to meet Carter's eyes. "Does he know?"

"No." Carter whispered.

"I can't believe what a fool I've been, for so long. I insisted John join the expedition, insisted he remain as the military commander. It was all a charade." Elizabeth almost wished she hadn't been hurt enough to bolster the courage to ask. She turned her back on Carter and edged her way to the railing, looking out onto the turbulent sea.

"Elizabeth, it's not what you think. We had begun testing all Air Force personnel for the ATA gene. It was stronger with Sheppard than anyone we've ever seen, including Jack. But his service record…well, Jack wanted to meet him in person before making a decision. "Carter said. "It wasn't you Jack was worried about. He was not thrilled about Sumner's role in the expedition. He thought he was too arrogant, too brash. To be blunt, Jack knew he would piss you off. He thought Sheppard would serve as a buffer between you, and be better suited to leading off world explorations. He didn't know Sumner wouldn't survive. He couldn't predict…this."

"He couldn't predict that Sheppard would disobey orders again? Couldn't predict that his training would most often push his opinions to that of the military objective? Any fool could have guessed Sheppard would earn my friendship, my trust. And that most people would find it hard to not forgive the charismatic bastard if he ended up disobeying my orders. God, I never knew I was such a….girl. And I never saw it coming."

"Whether he believed it or not is not the point. The point was the military brass bought into it along with the IOA. And it is the only reason you remained in control after Earth found out about Sumner- and the Wraith." Carter said.

"Who else knows this?" Elizabeth asked.

"Elizabeth, officially, I don't even know this. Only Jack, Landry and a handful of others."

"I suppose I don't need to ask how you know. John is to never find out. Never." Elizabeth turned back to Carter. "I need you to make sure of it. Will you do that for me?"

"Of course, why-"

"I am resigning Carter. I cannot in good faith allow this pretense to go on. Any of it. I only bring pain to John; we only bring pain to each other. And now, am I honestly supposed to choose? It's hardly a fair fight, I spent months alone with Jo-, with Sheppard. It's natural I am more comfortable with him. I can't choose, you know the crew will come to see whoever I'm with as the real John Sheppard. I can't do that to the other. I need to leave here, leave them. "Elizabeth's eyebrow arched with a suddenly apparent question. "Why is it that no one has questioned my ability to resume leadership of Atlantis? The nanites?"

Carter turned her head, but not before Elizabeth saw her face twist with discomfort. Carter's shoulders straitened and she turned back towards Elizabeth. "I deleted that report. It never went to Stargate Command."

"Why…why would you do that?" Elizabeth didn't even try to suppress her astonishment.

"To protect McKay, god help me, I did it for him. I thought you were lost to us at the time. If they recalled McKay, relived him of his duties, what would Atlantis do? Zelenka and the staff are wonderful, but-I knew they would make me stay. Maybe I did it for me."

"I understand. You don't have to say anything else. Does that mean I can return to Earth?" Elizabeth should have felt hopeful, but in spite of what she was saying, her mind was screaming for her to shut up. Returning to Earth was the last thing she wanted to do. But she would do it for him. For _them_.

"Why are you really doing this Elizabeth? Believe me, I understand how hard it is to work with someone you love. I understand the jealously, understand the heartbreak that accompanies the differences of opinions. But I cannot understand how you could run away from not one, but two men willing to give up everything for you. "

Tears flooded Carter's eyes and she started pacing, shaking her head furiously as though she could will them away. "Jack could have retired the day he stopped going on missions off world. But he didn't. I gave up Atlantis to be near him, gave up the Deadalus. And now I'm pregnant. I'm terrified, I'm sad, but most of all I'm angry. It's not supposed to happen like this, shrouded in secrecy, hiding our love to the world as if it is wrong, as if it is bad. And I have to watch you walk away from two men unafraid to give up everything they love for you." Carter stopped in front of Elizabeth, her tears subsiding as she looked into Elizabeth's quizzical eyes. "You don't have a clue what they've done, do you?"

Elizabeth's heart was racing. Her sides were aching from the baby's incessant kicking which seemed to increase each moment it didn't hear its father's voice. Elizabeth supposed it was natural, for months the only voices were John's and her own. But she had only recently become aware of the baby's seeming separation anxiety and her ribs were not yet accustomed to the protest. "What have they done?" She finally mustered the courage to ask.

Carter took a deep breath. "This morning Sheppard presented me with a document that in which he gave up his rights to the identity of John Sheppard. He promised in the event he ever returned to Earth he would never contact John Sheppard's family, avoid places with a likelihood of running into someone he knew and gave up any legal rights to inheritance claims and all money and assets belonging to John Sheppard. He asked in return that he be given some position to allow him to remain with you on Atlantis and that a new identity be issued to him should you ever decide to return to Earth. "

Elizabeth closed her eyes. She couldn't bear to see the pain in Carter's eyes, but more than that she didn't want to reveal the pain in her own. She had been so hard on him, and he had given up so much without even telling her. The baby kicked and her stomach constricted painfully in response. She took several short fast breaths until the pain subsided. She'd discovered that morning that breathing seemed to help.

Carter hadn't finished. "This afternoon, John contacted Caldwell. He's requested immediate transfer, to anywhere, and asked if Caldwell could give him a ride."

Elizabeth's stomach tightened again and she breathed her way through the pain.

"Jesus, Elizabeth- how long have you been having contractions?" Carter's hand grabbed her shoulder.

"No, the baby, kicks hard." She gasped. But the baby hadn't kicked first that time. Her body seized in terror as she realized what was happening. It was too early.

"Just breathe, stay calm. Let's get you to the infirmary." Carter said, steering Elizabeth towards the door.

The opened the door to discover the control room filled with staff bent over the monitors. Everyone from the meeting was there, probably awaiting a decision.

John looked towards them. "There's an Asuran ship heading our way. They could be here inside two hours. We gonna do this or what?"

Elizabeth turned to meet Carter's eyes. Carter looked at her expectantly, deferring to her decision. Elizabeth slowly nodded her head. Even after learning what they'd done for her, she didn't plan to change her mind. They were destroying their lives to try to make her happy. She refused to allow that to happen, she didn't deserve that sacrifice. It was their decision, until she could officially resign with someone who would accept, she would defer major decisions to the majority opinion of her senior staff.

Carter jumped into action. "Sheppard, get to the chair room. We want to be ready to lift off in thirty minutes. John, find McKay. Chaya brought two ZPM's with her, make sure he's got them installed, we'll need that power to make orbit. Then he needs to get the Dorandan experiment ready. Teyla-"

"Now why does he get to fly? He can go find McKay and I can go to the chair room." John immediately protested.

"Because you are injured. You'll get your turn soon enough, but now find McKay. Without that power, we're not going anywhere. Tell him he has a go on Project Arcturus."

Elizabeth hadn't even realized she'd shut her eyes again when she felt Sheppard's hands on her shoulders. He pulled her tightly into his arms, whispering in her ear. "Maybe McKay's darkest hour can be turned around into his greatest success. Maybe we had to go through that to learn, and to use it for this very reason. Things happen for a reason, right?" He pressed a soft kiss to her forehead and bent to quickly kissed her stomach. "I'm sorry if I'm being selfish. But I don't want our child to grow up…just surviving. I want the Wraith gone, want the Asurans gone. I don't want either of you to ever be at risk again."

His eyes held hers locked for what seemed like an eternity. Everything that couldn't be said there, shared there in the presence of others was communicated by that single consuming gaze that left every nerve ending in her body sizzling. He finally began to move away from her and she could see John exiting another door. She felt the gnawing begin in the pit of her stomach, the same sickening appetite killing ache she often felt when he was off world. She had that feeling, the same one that often prompted her to send backup when he was not yet even overdue to report. Before she could worry further, her stomach contracted again.

Elizabeth heard Carter's voice call out "Sheppard, wait, you should know-" Carter stopped talking upon seeing Elizabeth vehemently shaking her head as she breathed through the pain. She didn't want him to worry about her now. He needed his full concentration for the city.

"What is it?"

"Good luck." Elizabeth answered.


	12. Chapter 12

"McKay, I know. We're asking the impossible and once again it falls to the scientist to save us all. I could remind you that Carter said you agreed to this you know." John said.

"Yes, well I thought we would take off, go hang out somewhere unknown to the Asurans for oh, I don't know, maybe even just a few days would be nice. But hours? You've got to be kidding me!" McKay's face was flushed and John could tell he was just getting started.

"I'm sure Carter and Zelenka will help, besides, just think, one day the Stargate program will go public and your name will go in the books for saving Earth from the Asurans and the Wraith. " John knew McKay would find it hard to back down at the prospect of such mass recognition.

"Yes, well, Chaya bringing the ZPM's does free up a bit of time trying to rig a power source of some sort to get us off this planet. You really think I will get the credit?" McKay asked deep in thought.

"I'm thinking nationally televised interviews McKay. From the Today Show to Letterman. And then onto the history books, of course." John said, trying to keep the smirk from his face.

"Yes, well, where there's a will there's a way, or something like that. " McKay started to run. "Hey can you find Zelenka and Carter? Send them to my lab." He called as his voice faded.

"John?" Carter's voice questioned through the radio.

"ZPM's are in place, McKay's on his way to his lab to start working." John said.

"Good. Now, I need you to report to the infirmary immediately."Carter said. When she received no immediate response she continued, "That's an order."

"Fine. One my way." John said. He might as well take the opportunity to force Keller to clear him for full active duty. She owed him for misleading him about the medication earlier anyway.

He arrived to find Carter in the doorway waiting on him. "McKay wants you in his lab. Why am I here? Keller make you order me?"

She looked at him, hesitating. "John, she wouldn't let me tell Sheppard. I think one of you ought to be with her. "

He followed her eyes inside the infirmary and saw Elizabeth lying on a bed. Monitors were strapped to her stomach and an IV in her arm. Her eyes were closed and she seemed to be resting and in no pain. He took a step forward trying to restrain himself from flying towards her side. His heart twisted painfully to see her looking so vulnerable. "What's going on Carter, are they… are they okay?"

"She's been having contractions all day. I don't think she even realized until after the meeting. Keller gave her some medicine to stop the contractions; we are just waiting to make sure it's working. The baby's vital signs are strong, but I don't think she should be alone. "

"I'm not sure she'll want me to…be here." John said, still unsure how he managed to hold his feet in place. His fingers were already reaching out as if he could touch her from where he stood.

"Don't be naïve John. She loves John Sheppard. So what if it's hard, so what that she spent time alone with the other in the Cloister. Don't fool yourself into thinking that makes it easy for her. You make it easy for her by running. Go to her, she needs you." Carter nudged him, giving him the tiny push he needed to move to her. Run to her.

He reached her side and his hands were immediately closing around her arm. I'm here, he tried to tell her, I'm here his fingers announced. He released one of his hands from her arm and tentatively allowed it to rest upon her stomach. His courage was rewarded with a hard and swift kick. His kid was a fighter, the baby was strong. He then felt her stomach muscles as they constricted. One of the monitors began to blare louder and Elizabeth's eyes shakily opened, her hands immediately grasping her stomach.

Keller appeared and began to study the monitors. "Elizabeth, breathe though this. Let's get some more **nifedipine over here." She called to a nearby nurse. **

John sank to his knees beside the bed. He kept his hold on her arm and on her stomach. His forehead pushed into the side of the bed and he tried to focus on his own breathing. His terror would not be helpful to Elizabeth, just as he'd chosen to run, sparing her from the decision causing his emotional distress. He refused to allow her to see his eyes. He knew she'd see the truth there, see his pain and know he was not _her_ John Sheppard.

He was rewarded by her proximity, by her acceptance of his comfort. His heart swelled and for a moment, he allowed himself to pretend there was no other John Sheppard. That she was his, that his child could not be claimed by another. In that moment, he saw the truth.

Everything he had fought against his whole life, he wanted. He'd always run from commitment; run afraid of the eminent rejection when he failed. And he always failed his loved ones sooner or later. But he saw, remembered, how she stood by him, forgave him when he faltered. She stood by him and continued to trust him even in his darkest hours. Loved him, when no one else could bear to be near him, like when his body had begun converting after he'd been exposed to the Iratus bug anti-virus. He understood finally how Sheppard could give up going off world. He would do the same, do anything for her. For _them,_ he thought as his hand rubbed her stomach.

He was relieved when the monitor attached to her stomach ceased its blaring. The contraction had ended. He was rewarded when one of her hands strayed from her stomach and moved to stroke his hair. Her hand threading through his hair and her fingertips stroking his scalp sent sensations through his body. Then her hand froze and suddenly withdrew. Another monitor began to alarm now and John looked up to see her heart had begun racing.

Elizabeth was looking fearfully towards him. "John? Is something wrong? Is…Sheppard all right?"

Before he could answer, Carter's voice emerged across the citywide speakers. "Everyone, hold on. Atlantis is taking off."

"John? What is it?" Elizabeth asked, seeing John's stricken face. He closed his eyes, tuning in to the internal hum of the city. He felt systems appear for his command and his mind began to wander through the city he had always been in connection with, though he rarely shared the extent with the others. His mind traveled through the corridors inside the walls, inside the conduits that connected everything inside Atlantis. He forced himself to concentrate on Sheppard, waiting for the conduits to lead him to the chair room to see him as the city took off. But he never got there. How did Elizabeth know he wasn't Sheppard? He suddenly lost his focus. His stupid new name badge was hidden, he hadn't run, how could she have known?

"John! Is he okay?" Elizabeth shouted and the nurse arrived, calling for Keller as Elizabeth's heart continued to race even faster.

John pressed his eyes tighter as he tried to connect to the chair room through Atlantis again. He could not. He felt the city begin to shudder around him as they attempted to lift off. Something was wrong, they had missed a conduit. Power was not streaming to the chair room like it should be, like it would have to be.

His eyes flew open and met Elizabeth's. She immediately knew something was wrong. The fetal monitor began to blare again as another contraction hit her. "John, go. Go! " The city was shaking violently now and they had not even lifted off the surface. "Help him John, tell McKay and help him."

Her eyes fluttered shut and he turned surprised to find Keller injecting something into her IV. "John, I had to. She was beginning to effect the baby, and not in a good way. I promise you I will take care of them. Now go, do what she said."

John stood, unwilling to remove his hand from her stomach. But he knew he had to, she would never forgive him if he didn't try to help. He quickly pressed a kiss to her hand before releasing her. Something was wrong, if Sheppard pushed through with the takeoff, he wasn't sure Atlantis would survive.

He took off running from the infirmary. "McKay! Power's not reaching the chair room, it's not reaching the stardrive. Tell me you don't have a team down there still working on level H!"

"I do, and this is not their fault! I'm checking the conduits now, I have everyone checking connections, but Sheppard is not answering my radio contact. He won't stand down, he's still trying to launch the city. Get down there and stop him. We need more time to run diagnostics and fix this, we can't take off now." McKay yelled.

John ran, dodging anything that hadn't already been secured as he moved through the hallways. Just as he reached the transporter, the lights went dark in the hallway and the door to the transporter refused to open. "McKay!" He bellowed.

"I know, we've lost power to most sections of the city. I think Sheppard is using Atlantis to bypass us, pulling the power that he needs. He has to stop John, nothing is grounded if he lets Atlantis reroute power I can't prevent an overload. Too many systems are still down, if they are running power through them-"

"I know! Shut up McKay and keep working. I'll take the stairs. Give me fifteen minutes and I'll make Sheppard shut it down." John said as he started down the stair way.

"We don't have fifteen minutes, Sheppard doesn't have fifteen minutes. If you don't get to him within five minutes, these systems will overload. If he's in the chair when that happens…." McKay responded.

"Shut up McKay, try to fix this! I can't get there in five minutes. Keep trying radio contact!" John began running, picturing the pleading look in Elizabeth's eyes when she said "Go!" She would never forgive him if he didn't get there in time.


	13. Chapter 13

Warning: Character Death. Sorry for any who read before, I am new to this and overlook obvious things sometimes. I promise though, if you see the story through the few remaining chapters, you won't hate me for it.

Even with no visibility, John's feet knew the way to the chair. Linked through Atlantis, he could feel Sheppard's presence, but it was growing fainter with each step he took. His nose began to wrinkle at the smell, more acrid somehow than the burnt out conduits. He knew what it was, but was in denial. He crept closer to the chair, positive he was not ready for what he would find there.

He felt Sheppard slipping away and Atlantis taking over the hyperspace flight plan. His continued attempts to share his strength went unanswered. Atlantis did not need him now. Sheppard could not use him now. At this proximity, Sheppard's life sign should be stronger than ever. But with every step John took, Sheppard's signal diminished more. Sheppard finally came into his sight, and John froze. Burn wounds were covering every exposed inch of his skin, the sickening smoldering smell was emanating from him. The power he'd demanded had channeled through him and was now killing him slowly and painfully in the aftermath. Before John could speak, before he could move, he sensed a presence. He stepped back aware they were not alone in the room, though he couldn't see anyone else, he knew. A soft light began to encompass Sheppard and his eyes opened finally.

Focusing on John, Sheppard spoke. "Come here. " When John didn't move he demanded "Come here! I don't have much time."

John inched closer to Sheppard. Sheppard sat up and looked John intently in the eye. "You would do the same for her, for them, would you not?"

John nodded quickly. He would have made the same decision without a second thought.

"Then she doesn't need to suffer. Take…take this" Sheppard struggled to tear off his name badge before pressing it into John's hands. He reached out with surprising strength and tore the one from Jon's uniform before pressing it to his own.

"She'll think…she'll think I'm you." John said, staring at the name badge in his hand.

"She shouldn't suffer more. You shouldn't suffer more. Put…put it on." Sheppard instructed.

"Hedda, heal him. Let me do this for Elizabeth." Sheppard's voice continued surprisingly strong in the midst of his injuries.

It was then he saw, not just Hedda but Teer close by Sheppard's side. Hedda began moving towards John.

"What are you doing? I'm fine, heal him!" John was amazed his minor injury was of any importance in the face of what Sheppard now faced to survive. Unless they knew he wouldn't, couldn't, even with their help.

Before John could say another word, he was locked within a translucent field. A light hovered over his skin, heat poured into every cell of his skin. He reluctantly acknowledged his wounds beginning to heal. Leaving him nothing to hide his emotional pain behind, nowhere to hide a new cause for guilt. He'd grown by leaps and bounds in the last day, but had he grown enough to give up his own life? Somehow, he knew he would have done the same. He would have always traded his life for hers.

Slowly the heat simmered deeper, beyond the physical wounds, deep into the black core he'd always hidden deep beyond the eyes of anyone who was naïve enough to look. He tried to fight it, being damaged was always how he identified himself. How he absolved himself when he shut down and ran from emotional entanglements. Hedda was stripping the pain away, stripping away the safety net in which he'd found a way to function. He didn't know how to exist without it.

The light dissolved leaving him feeling raw, like he was bleeding freely. He quickly inspected the wound in his stomach and found nothing. It was as if it had never happened. He looked quickly to Sheppard; he could see he was fading quickly. He moved quickly to his side, but Teer was in his way, already grasping Sheppard's hand. Sheppard's skin was beginning to grow translucent and for a moment, John thought Hedda had turned her skills upon him.

But then Teer turned and pressed a kiss to Sheppard's forehead. "I will be with you soon. Do not fear, trust me. I have always seen your face, seen what is yet to come."

"I'll be keeping an eye on you. On you all. You'd better take care of her John. I'll always be watching." Sheppard said.

His entire body became translucent, surrounded by a brilliant light. Elizabeth burst into the room at that moment, just in time to witness Sheppard evaporate into a force of light hovering before her, wrapping around her and then disappearing. Carter and Keller ran breathlessly into the room at that moment.

"Elizabeth! You are in no condition to be running around Atlantis; you have to return to the infirmary." Keller rasped.

John turned toward Elizabeth, feeling for once that he was deserving, that he had no need to hide his feelings. She responded to his body language. "What did he did do? How did he get you away from the chair?" She said as she was moving into his arms.

He resisted the urge to feel like a cheat, like a liar. They were the same man, he reasoned with himself. And she had suffered so much already. Did she really need to know the truth?

"What just happened here?" Keller asked in amazement. "Did John just ascend?"

Carter nodded, unable to speak as she kept staring at the spot the light had dissipated.

Elizabeth began to shake as she fought to suppress her sobs. Her hands stretched around John, one hand threading through his head, the other around his shoulder to his neck. Her shaking froze suddenly and her hands stilled. She emerged from John's neck; her eyes were wildly darting around the room.

"Elizabeth?" John knew. She must have sensed, known somehow what he had allowed to happen. He wanted to tell her everything, but suddenly she threw herself back into his arms sobbing uncontrollably.

"We need to get her back to the infirmary; we still hadn't gotten the contractions under control. She just took off; she ripped off all the monitors away when she didn't get an answer from either of you. We have to get her back, the baby…the baby could be in trouble now." Keller said.

"I've got her" John said, surprising himself most of all when he swept her into his arms, she felt as though she weighed nothing. "I've got you." he whispered as Elizabeth closed her eyes slipping away to unconsciousness.

"Lorne, we need you in the chair room immediately!" John bellowed, somewhat amazed the chair hadn't suffered the damage that Sheppard had.

"I'm almost there sir." Lorne responded.

A/N

Just baked brownies in honor of all the brownie points earned for the lovely reviews! I feel sure good kharma is on the way for those who have taken the time. And resolution, to all the unanswered questions. The biggest surprises are yet to come. When you think you have them, it won't be quite over! But the end is near. I hope to have the final chapters posted this week! Thank you to all who have followed and reviewed!


	14. Chapter 14

Several hours later John was pacing in front of the infirmary doors. Elizabeth had awakened, only for Keller to throw him out while she completed a thorough inspection. He was only momentarily surprised when Chaya appeared, asking to speak with Elizabeth.

"You're asking the wrong person, you'll have to wait for Dr. Keller to approve this." He moved away and checked in with McKay and Keller.

"Colonel, good I was hoping you were here." Carter arrived before him, almost out of breath.

"Radio not working?" Where else would he be now anyway. He noticed that Carter had easily returned to calling him Colonel now. Still, he realized how easy the turn of events had made it for the others. Would it have been so easy if they all knew the truth?

"Didn't want to alarm everyone just yet, those channels are easily picked up. The Asuran ship has pursued us into hyperspace. We had hoped to wait, but I believe we need to broadcast the distress signal now. If we emerge from hyperspace now, the Asuran vessel will drop out too and begin to attack. We've only got one shot, we can't risk losing Atlantis in a battle with just one ship. We'll have the Arcturus project ready to launch upon our descent. We can program a scenic route, if you will, to reach the solar system, giving enough time for all the other Wraith and Asuran vessels to catch up. When we emerge, we can raise the shields, detonate, and hopefully hold out long enought for the jump back into to hyperspace just before the explosion." Carter reported.

John took a deep breath, knowing what Elizabeth would have done. Deciding against her was again, one of the hardest things he'd ever done, but he knew this is what Sheppard had died for. What he himself believed would keep them from running forever. "Do it." He said quietly to Carter before retreating towards the shadows, calling Teyla, Ronin, McKay and Lorne to meet him there.

Chaya was emerging from the infirmary when he finished updating the others. She looked at him with hesitation before finally approaching him.

"It'd better be safe for me to go back in there Chaya, what exactily did you tell her?" John asked warily.

"Be patient with her John, this is harder for her than you could know. Trust your instincts, trust yourself. I will be watching, never doubt that I will be trying to help." She said before dissolving into a blinding light just as Sheppard had hours earlier.

John stood there for a moment, the first silent moment he'd had since he'd seen Sheppard…ascend. He was aware of a vast emptiness that went beyond his numbing guilt at participating willingly in deceiving Elizabeth. As much as Sheppard's presence had been a thorn in his side, he'd accepted him. Like a meddlesome brother, Sheppard had been much better than his own brother. He felt the loss more significantly than he would have guessed. Whenever he'd pretended Elizabeth wasn't a factor, he'd instinctively trusted Sheppard as an ally, a counterpart, even more so than he did Teyla and Ronin. If only he'd realized it sooner.

"Colonel? We're ready; we'll begin broadcasting the distress signal within the minute." Carter's voice announced over the radio. "How's Elizabeth?"

"I'm about to find out. Keep me posted." He responded.

"You do the same." She said.

He saw Keller waiting nervously inside the door of the infirmary.

"What's going on, is she okay?" He asked.

"We haven't been able to stop the contractions, her water just broke. I'm about to start an emergency caesarian. You should be with her. "Keller said.

"Will she, will the baby…." His voice trailed off as his voice choked suddenly.

Keller touched his arm, trying to offer her reassurances. "The baby will need to fight, but it's far enough along to survive. I will do everything in my power to make sure it does. It will need you both, need to hear you, feel you. I believe we can do this."

John took a deep breath, trying to collect his panicking emotions. "Good. Now we need to make sure Elizabeth believes we can do this." He said as he walked inside.


	15. Chapter 15

Elizabeth's eyes flickered to find John standing across the room. She glanced quickly around and found the monitors again attached firmly in place. They were still worried about the baby; she must be still having contractions.

"It's time Elizabeth, our baby's being a bit impatient, Keller's going to do a caesarian." John tried to sound confident for her.

"It's too early! I can make it stop, if I concentrate, I can." Elizabeth tried to protest. She could feel her heart racing; hear the monitors around her blare louder.

"Elizabeth, your water has broken, Keller has no choice. You've felt our child kick; you know it's a fighter. We'll get through this; we've been through so much. We can get through this. You have to believe that," John said.

Elizabeth could not stop the tears from flooding her eyes as she looked at him. Knowing they'd just lost the other, knowing what Atlantis was facing, and that she couldn't help the city now. Couldn't even mourn the John Sheppard they'd lost now. He was right, she had to focus, had to believe. Their child could not be lost; she wouldn't be able to handle losing another, not now.

Through her tears, she nodded, "We can do this." She reached her hands out, beckoning him closer. As he closed in, she began shaking even harder as she remembered Chaya's words and tried to hide her sorrow.

Six months later…..

Elizabeth tried to suppress her amusement as John cradled their son, showing him off once again to Ronon and McKay. It was sunset on the planet they had settled on and the sun danced off the waters of the ocean, illuminating the balcony of the family suite they had recently settled in.

It had just been six months since their gamble had paid off. Not in the way they had hoped, not every Wraith and Asuran vessel had been destroyed in the explosion. Even when Atlantis's shields held the continued barrage of the ships that were not destroyed, not every remaining enemy vessel was caught by the gravitational wave of the forming black hole. When Atlantis jumped back into hyperspace just seconds ahead of being pulled in by the gravity, several ships followed.

But enough were destroyed to make the Pegasus galaxy a new and peaceful place. The remaining enemy ships had begun fleeing the galaxy. The Wraith were already looking for new feeding grounds, feeding grounds not under protection yet of Atlantis and the newly formed Pegasus Alliance. The Asurans had followed the few remaining Wraith, their own small numbers driven only to follow out the orders to destroy the Wraith, with the directives that McKay had uploaded on that fateful mission when they had thought they'd lost her.

Teyla approached her, looking at her wistfully, again, like a question was just on the tip of her tongue. Yet she had never dared to ask. The men were well out of earshot.

"Teyla, why don't you just ask me?" Elizabeth said, her voice sounding sober even to her own ears.

"You know, don't you?" Teyla whispered.

"Know what?" Elizabeth said, knowing somehow where Teyla's questions were leading. If anyone else were to guess, she'd known it would be Teyla. And Teyla alone could she trust with the truth.

"You know which John Sheppard was real and know which was lost." Teyla's eyes were mercilessly searching her own.

"Teyla, I know you were quite close to him, are close to him still. I could ask the same of you." Elizabeth's eyes were unwavering as she returned Teyla's gaze. Elizabeth had unanswered questions of her own, she'd often wondered if John's and Teyla's closeness had gone beyond that of mere teammate.

"Elizabeth, nothing ever happened between us. Rest your mind. "Teyla said, surprising Elizabeth.

Elizabeth's eyes strayed towards John once again. The sorrow that had so sharply stabbed into her chest had now eased, she was once again enjoying the love she had found, after losing everything, she had found solace and love in the arms of John Sheppard. And their little boy.

"Does he know the truth? Does he know he is…he is the clone?" Teyla whispered.

"No!" Elizabeth said adamantly. "And he never will. Right Teyla?"

"When did you know?" Teyla asked.

"When I didn't feel the scars, he was holding me just after we lost...the other. I assume you noticed the same, am I right?" Elizabeth asked.

Teyla nodded. "I saw him in the infirmary when he first returned. He didn't have the scars from the Eratus bug, or the Wraith feeding. I'm sure there are more."

Elizabeth nodded slowly. "Teyla, he can never know." She peered imploringly into Teyla's eyes.

She knew Teyla felt more for John than she would ever admit. She cared for him enough to keep this one critical secret from him. "I could never do that to him, no matter how much his choice may have hurt me."

Elizabeth understood what Teyla was entrusting to her. It was what she had sensed all along. And why she'd always admired the strength of the Athosian woman. John had chosen another over her; it would be so easy for Teyla to use this against him now. But she was better than that. Probably better than them all.

"Thank you Teyla." Elizabeth said. It was too simple for everything that she left unsaid, but as Teyla nodded, she realized it was all that needed.

"To you and John. And Jackson Ford Sheppard. To a long and peaceful future." Teyla raised her glass of Athosian wine.

Elizabeth was glad she was able to enjoy Athosian spirits once again. "I'll drink to that." She said, tearing up at the friendship the woman offered her in light of her own diminished hopes.

Through sacrifice, you find true happiness, she thought. Chaya's words were ringing through her mind. She hoped they were true. They had all sacrificed so much to stand here today. More than even Teyla could guess, perceptive as she was.

"Have O'Neil and Daniel stopped bickering over which one he was named for?" Teyla asked.

"No, but we will find out soon enough, they will arrive in a few days. Carter is still angry they won't let her travel off world in these late stages of her pregnancy. I'm still shocked she resigned when she went back to earth." Elizabeth responded as her gaze again settled on John and Jackson.

"I don't know where she could have gotten that idea," Teyla said, unable to conceal the amusement in her voice.

Elizabeth smiled. "Well, it wasn't like the IOA would let her walk away just because she wasn't military anymore. There's already a precedent set for civilian leadership in the Stargate program after all."

Teyla squeezed her hand and Elizabeth met her gaze. The secret and the truths they had shared in this moment seemed to burn away the invisible barrier that had always been just barely tangible between them. Elizabeth squeezed back and had to blink the tears from her eyes as she thought again how lucky she was in this moment. In this moment, Atlantis was safe, her family was safe. In this moment, she was blessed with great friends and love.

The women made their way back over to the others. John had just pulled the baby in close to his chest. He pulled Elizabeth close with his other arm, before tucking his head down to plant a tender kiss on their baby's head, which was already chock full of dark and unruly hair. Elizabeth couldn't stop the tear that slipped away. John glanced up in surprise, before gently brushing the tear away.

"Hormones, still. Happy tears" Elizabeth explained.

John just held her gaze. Everything that needed to be said, as always, they could share with their eyes.

McKay's voice interrupted. "Yes, and how long do you get to use _that_ excuse? Hormones. "

Ronon tried to suppress a smile. "Depends on if you're a smart man or not."

"Oh, so tell me what exactly is that supposed to mean." McKay turned to Ronin.

"A smart man knows to never question the woman who has borne their child. And he will be a happy man." Ronon said, smirking slightly.

"And how is it you've become so wise? I don't exactly see tons of women hanging from your arms?" McKay retorted.

"I'm working on it." Ronon said, quieter now.

Elizabeth's eyes rose to find Ronon's gaze settling on Teyla. Teyla was blushing ever so slightly in return. Elizabeth turned her eyes back to John. Days like today made all their struggles worth it. Today had been a perfect day.

* * *

A/N: There is one more chapter…..not over yet!


	16. Chapter 16

A/N Since there is only one John Sheppard in this plane of existence, I've reverted again to calling "Sheppard" John. It seemed entirely too impersonal to not make this change at this point since it will be clear which one it is. Just wanted to make sure I didn't confuse everyone and send you back a few chapters to see which one was killed. Hope you enjoy the chapter, unless I get another wild spark of inspiration, this is it!

"John, it has been months. When will you accept what has happened?" Teer said.

They were on the version of Atlantis Teer had pulled from his mind. The place he would remain until he chose to move on. It was his version of Daniel Jackson's diner, he thought it ironic now how that one SG1 mission report had always stuck in his mind. John had a choice to make. But he hadn't been able to let go of his previous life. The pain of losing Elizabeth and his child had begun to dull a bit, dull his emotions to the point he really didn't feel much of anything.

John turned away from Teer to face the ocean. He'd been standing on the balcony outside Elizabeth's office. _Their _balcony. Of all the places Teer had to pull from his mind, she'd chosen Atlantis. It was a daily reminder of what he'd lost and it was killing any desire for him to choose ascension. He didn't care that he couldn't go back, that he would die. He just didn't want to feel anything anymore. He was tired. Yet, he was having a hard time leaving the very ship that now haunted him with its emptiness. It was desolate and somber. Right now that suited him just fine.

"You have to let her go John, let them go, " Teer said placing her hands on either side of his face to bring him around to meet her eyes.

"Easy for you to say," John grumbled.

"Yes, actually. For me it is. Though it's strange to find myself again, jealous of Elizabeth. John, I had longed that you would come to this decision more easily. I have not pushed or pressured. But I cannot hide the truth from you any longer," Teer said quietly.

John turned to look at her quizzically. He was missing something here. He still hadn't caught onto the whole talking in riddles bit, though; maybe one day the other Ascended's would all make a little bit more sense.

Teer took his hand. "I told you once that since I was a child, I'd been able to close my eyes and see your face. My entire life, I've been able to see you. But I didn't fully remember why."

Teer had John's full attention now. She'd said remember. Before, she'd always indicated she'd seen him in her future.

She released his hand and gently moved her hand across his cheek before taking a step away and taking a deep breath. "I had ascended once already John. I didn't remember that. I intervened too much with Atlantis and I was cast out. I was returned in the body of a child. Chaya was supposed to take me to her planet, but instead she brought me to the Cloister. She placed me with a family there so I could grow up quickly and ascend again. She thought all my memories had been erased from my life before, but they could never suppress my memories of you John Sheppard."

John looked at her in shock and he suddenly realized what he had missed all this time.

"Elizabeth," He breathed.

She continued speaking quickly, as though in a hurry to get it all out after keeping the truth bottled up for so long. "I ascended the day I died on Atlantis. After you all finally found me in the stasis pod. They didn't let you see the ascension; it wouldn't have been fair to Elizabeth to know there were two of her out there. But I could never stay away from Atlantis. Little things I could steer McKay's attention towards, gate addresses I was able to hide. Looking back, I feel I did very little. There was so much I couldn't stop." Teer's voice was pained as she finished speaking and began pacing in a disturbingly familiar fashion.

As she paused, John tried to speak, tried to force one of the hundreds of questions racing through his mind out. But before he could form a coherent sentence, she began to speak again.

"When the Ascendeds kicked me out, sent me back, I couldn't be Elizabeth. There was already an Elizabeth Weir. They tried to erase all my memories, give me a new identity, but I never let go of you. I could never truly remember, but your face, your face was always with me. You were always there to reassure me. It wasn't until I ascended again that I remembered. Things had been much different between us the first time we went through the gate. Before even leaving Antarctica… we'd grown quite close. Too close, I suppose. When I saw you and her after awaking from stasis, I could see everything had happened differently the next time. It broke my heart to see how you held each other at arm's length, how you never gave in," Teer said, finally stopping before him.

John turned to her, noticing finally all the signs he'd overlooked. So subtle and so obvious all at once.

"But Chaya-" He said, flinching suddenly.

"Chaya was testing you, well not you, but the entire team based on Atlantis. She didn't have much to do with the Ancients; after all, she had been punished by them as well. For the most part, she stayed on her world protecting her people." She took a deep breath and moved past him, placing her hands on the balcony railing.

John watched her closely as she stared off into the ocean. Watched the way she held her head, the way her forehead furrowed as she concentrated. He could see so much of Elizabeth beneath the surface, but it was so strange to think, that she…

"Chaya knew what I was doing, knew how I was interfering. She wondered why I was risking it, why I cared about you all so much. So when you showed up on her planet, she jumped at the chance to get to know you better. When she accepted that our crew had good intentions, she discovered that you were a good man. She didn't know then about my feelings, what we had once shared. But she saw a lot in the moments you shared, feelings that you held for your Elizabeth. She understood finally why I had risked it all. She'd nearly fallen for you herself. She may never forgive herself for how far she allowed things to go." Teer said turning her head towards him.

John turned away feeling a mixture of anger and embarrassment.

"John, you couldn't have known. There is nothing you have to feel regret for. I made my choices. I am lucky to have this third chance with you. Besides, it was her guilt that caused her to risk helping me when I crossed the final line and the others would tolerate my actions no longer." Teer said.

"What line did you cross?" John asked.

Teer looked at John for a moment longer before turning back to the ocean. "I dialed the gate. I went to Ford's cave and dialed the gate. You were landing on a hive ship I wasn't sure you'd ever leave. There are many things I can't see John, even with my gifts. My feelings often block my visions now that my memories have returned to me. Rodney was the only one who knew where you were. I would have made sure he wouldn't remember if he'd noticed my presence, but it wasn't necessary. He was out of his mind on the enzyme, he was punching every coordinate but the ones that would dial Atlantis. _I_ dialed the gate. "

John felt something bubble through the tightness of his chest. She had been watching them. She had been fighting for him. She had sacrificed her future once again to try to save him. He thought he'd known Elizabeth. Always known he'd respected her, but he'd never fully understood the scope of her heart, the strength she carefully concealed.

"If they saw that, how did this happen? If you all were watching so closely, how did you allow the Asurans to clone me? This shouldn't have happened; the other Ascended should have stopped it." He said.

"We hid it from them. It wasn't the Asurans John." Teer said.

John spun her around to face him, his eyes demanding answers.

"John, I'm so sorry. I knew he was special, but I had no idea he could…."

"He? He who? Who did this Teer! No one has any right to screw with-"

John stopped cold as he watched a tiny tornado of light twirl onto the balcony. The light dispersed and when his eyes could again focus, he saw a child of no more than a year and a half standing before him and Teer.

"I told you, it is not yet time." Teer admonished gently.

John's jaw fell wide open as he looked closer at the child. He was the spitting image of himself in childhood photographs complete with unruly dark hair, already spiking wildly. John's head spun back to Teer who began to blink as tears filled her eyes. At Elizabeth, he thought quietly to himself. He remembered the night he had shared with Teer, not long before she had ascended before his eyes.

The child waddled up to him on short legs, solid though, unusually sturdy. He turned his eyes up toward John, focusing on him intently as though he trying to size him up.

"Teer…Elizabeth?" He said.

"Teer is more comfortable to me now. John, this is…his name is John. I'm sorry, I never thought, never believed you would be with us. The Ascendeds had no idea, it was much too soon for the pregnancy to be detected when I ascended or they never would have allowed it. Chaya has helped me try to hide him. He is…special. He is stronger than most ascended. And he has not yet fully ascended, he is in between, half ascended. Until his body reaches maturity, he will stay in between these realms. I need your help with him John; he is headstrong and has powers beyond what anybody should, even Ascendeds. I cannot control him, control his powers."

"I'm not sure I understand, didn't Anubis, when Daniel Jackson ascended, wasn't Anubis half ascended? What does this mean, is he-"

"I know what happened with Daniel and Anubis. This is a very different situation. Don't misunderstand. He is a wondrous child, his heart is pure. But like all children, he is mischievous and a little self serving. His visions are stronger than my own could ever grow to be. He brought you to being somehow using the Asuran technology. He did this," Teer said quietly.

John stared in shock at the child. "Does Elizabeth know all this?"

"Yes, Chaya told her shortly after you ascended. We thought it might…ease her pain. You were foolish to think she would not know, he did not bear the scars from the injuries you incurred. She realized immediately," Teer said.

John finally couldn't resist and kneeled down, pulling the child into his arms. He was still having trouble comprehending, believing, everything he'd just learned. But his son was something tangible, something he could not doubt. Then the child put his hands on either side of John's head and pulled his forehead to his own. John felt a jolt and suddenly the future was flashing before his eyes. Saw ships of the Ori overtaking worlds, saw them making plans to advance towards Earth. He felt the pull of the child's will to intervene, saw his plans in his head. He could see that with his son's abilities, the other Ascendeds would have a hard time trying to stop them from intervening.

When his son pulled away, John turned to Teer and truly saw Elizabeth. Surviving for thousands of years to save Atlantis, saw her fighting to remember him, fighting to save him after he'd survived without her. Saw her fighting to love him as a new identity was forced upon her, after she'd ascended again to find herself pregnant with his child. Still fighting for him. His son was indeed a special child. Not because he was John's, but because he was Elizabeth's.

Suddenly the blanket of numbness he'd been hiding behind fell away. He wasn't ready for the flood of emotions raging within his heart. The agonizing pain at what he'd lost finally gave way to a cascade of heat as he thought of what this Elizabeth, what Teer had endured. Ten thousand years plus of believing in him, loving him. Waiting for him. And their child, trusting in him already to execute the vision he'd seen to stop the Ori. He would do it for them, and for the family he'd left behind on Atlantis. He could do this for all of them. Because they loved him, he owed them this. He wanted this.

"I've been waiting for you a long time John Sheppard." Teer said quietly, her gaze locking on his. Her voice was filled with a longing she could no longer hide. With a hunger…

John looked at Teer slowly releasing his grasp on his son. His son, he could still hardly believe. His eyes never left Teer's as he stood up and slowly moved towards her, his heart beating faster with each step he took, his nerves jittering as he realized all he had, all he had had within his reach, that he'd ignored and overlooked these past months. His mouth crushed her own before his hands, his body could even catch up with his mind and his heart.

He was only vaguely aware at first of the tingling in his feet. Their embraced deepened as his arms pulled her closer and closer until suddenly, they had both transformed into their ascended state as John finally accepted what he would become. And then the millions of particles of energy and light that belonged to each of their bodies merged together. He felt a bliss he'd never even realized was possible.

He was aware of the tiny tornado of light spinning around them and suddenly into them. He felt his son's thoughts and feelings join theirs and realized he was wrong before. Now, he felt bliss.

Thank you all so much for following and for taking the time to leave the lovely reviews. I find myself in the odd position of being sad to be finished with a story, makes me think something went terribly wrong somewhere. Hopefully, you've enjoyed.


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